2003

I was a mere 65 kg then.

cheese!

I love sushi.
I like green tea a lot.
I hate wasabi.

Few years back, I was experimenting on food. I remember being at the height of such motivation to lose weight that I decided to eat sushi everyday for a month. I used to live centrally (I mean, a stone throw away from Oxford Street) and everyday after work, I'd venture near Chinatown to eat sushi (Chinatown and sushi - strange right?!).

Each time, a blob of wasabi would remain unmarred atop this tiny ceramic dish next to the soya sauce. Apparently, wasabi enhances the taste of sushi when mixed with soya sauce but just never really liked it. After a month of eating sushi, I lost weight and felt good about myself.

In real life, wasabi is like some of the sacrifices or incongruences that go with your daily routine. They are inherent to your personal effects and choices that you don't really have to like it but just live with it. You still move on albeit gingerly, no matter what.

My insecurities are my wasabi. They burn.

why blog...

This is such a phenomenon of the new age. People with something to say but worried to say it to someone's face, say it online. You've got variety of blogs and an even wide variety of people blogging. In fact, there's a representation for every type of man in the blogosphere. But why blog?

I will answer this in a personal way. I blog because:

- I try to deflate my overwhelming anxiety through this
- I seek approval
- I am insecure
- my opinion matters
- complexity of man needs an outlet
- I love writing
- I can attack the people I loathe and feel good thereafter
- it offers a moment of grandiose
- it accords sharing of information to people who couldn't be bothered to surf more internet avenues
- it allows sensible networking not necessarily based on looks but the opposite
- it affords an escape from a lot of things detrimental to human psyche
- it kills time productively (personal effect)
- it gives you reason to open another website other than facebook
- it makes you feel better as a person (debatable)
- it stops me from having thoughts of materialistic existence and even if I do, writing it down is a release
- it makes me understand myself and of course, others to understand why you behave in such a way
- it justifies your thoughts and actions
- it proves that I am just as important as a person
- googling yourself will definitely yield a result
- it records your existence like a diary
- because... because... it works for me.

I blog because I can. I think my life is exciting enough. I can brag about it and be horrible at the same time without someone answering me back, chastising me. In my world, I am king.

move her slot to 3 am PUUULEASE!!!!!!!

While waiting for the Vampire Diaries, I had to contend with Katie Price hogging telly moment. Catching the last few minutes, Katie aka Jordan was parading herself on the red carpet wearing a Cinderella ballgown at this year's Vienna Opera Ball. As expected, she looked her usual fake self.

In her unladylike manner, she hissed "sod off!". Why is fate favouring this skanky hussy?

run-of-the-mill

The girl next to me inside the carriage on my way home was reading Fyodor Dostoevsky's "The Brothers Karamazov".



I tried to peek but I couldn't make sense of it since it's written in Russian. I felt a pang of envy; being average.

option 10

In keeping with that "laziness and tiredness" theme, I settled with my bowl of rice and a can of tuna as my partner opted for something just as simple - boiled ravioli sprinkled with shredded cheese.



It's not that bad really.

say it in pixels

There!

foresight

This week, I am saving my use of words and will try to be more economical and succinct in more ways than one. Like what they say, verbosity and volume take the essence away from points that are easily expressed by using photos. The D-Day is within reach and mental fatigue is the least I'd want my mental acuity suffer at this point.

The fact of the matter is....

I'm feeling tired and lazy. It's one of those moments where my body and mind shut down before the storm. Over the holidays (Easter), I have five consecutive days off. Unfortunately, it is not the trip to the holy land for a bit of reflection or a nice hot cuppa tea at cafes to chase the day away... or laze around one of London parks if the rain's out of sight. Simply, I'd be sitting indoors (my flat) minding stacks of books and a massive volume of photocopies to sift through. The countdown to essay submission is on. Strangely, I still don't feel that motivation to move an inch towards the table where a clutter of academic things beg for mercy; where I steer clear, not even a metre close in fact.

I did jibba jabba yet again, didn't I? Obviously, control is not my strongest point.

views of summer

I took these photos last summer.

This week's forecast...

9/10

Isn't it amazing when a friend rates your cooking, 9 out of 10...?!

He followed it up with such palaver like, "The spaghetti's yummy but I doubt if you really cooked it". But I took it as a compliment with a bit of buttering up on the side. He asked for the ingredients and the recipe of how it's cooked. I told him that I put a whole lotta love and double cream which he found ludicrous and odd. I eventually said that, "I find cooking liberating and if I have to cook it that way, then I expect leniency and freedom with the way I cook food as well". He grinned but not without a hint of dubiousness.

"Did you really cook it?" and I said "Yes". As a parting shot I quipped, "Difficult times, new measures!".

Bringing home cooked meal to work is one of them.

antithesis

I'm tired with words.

I have used up so much energy from today's teaching session. I was chattering, blabbering and flapping for hours talking about Haemodialysis to this core group of staff, as we try to extend nursing services to Health Care Assistants in this type of modality. My head hurts and voice, faltering. My back hurts from carrying photocopies (as e-learning's not available) and risked my sanity and safety being sat next to that crazy man on the train who was jabbing himself with a brolley.

But still, I feel whole and complete.

finally

I had a nap this afternoon and as usual, delayed working on my teaching session for tomorrow.
It is 10 pm Sunday night and I call on my trusted routine.

Tea: check
Cookies: check
CD player: playing mutely
TV: set to news (anything boring)
Partner: tea supplier
Blogging: on hold
Microsoft Office: powerpoint on, word on
Internet: google and hotmail on
USB stick: ready

Motivation:

"do it now or suffer the consequence"

"do it but do it well"

"do it now, one less thing to do later"

"do it... it is your f____g job!"

vanity

This laptop's "photo booth" fuels my dormant vanity bud spring to life.
This is just crazzzzzeeeeeeeeeeeee.

as I look out

I am terribly late. I promised myself to lose weight two weeks before the flying start of British summer. Officially, summer has started today and clocks have been tinkered an hour ahead. In fact, I feel the heat from the windowsill.

That said, I felt cheated with the lost 60 minutes and I'm not even out gallivanting.

bro

In my own little way, this is a tribute to the brother I lost.

Are you?

Are you buying the single ("Please Don't")?

Imelda Marcos still commands a full spread in newspapers.
There are talks of a musical a la Evita as well.
And of course, she's running for government seat.
It's very interesting how these events pan out.

indelible

It is true that a reputation made years ago would still make a vengeful return in the present or future life. No matter how much you have made extra tonnes of effort to better yourself, that initial perception established years ago would take just as much gravitas to what you have now.

Nearly most of the time last friday, I had continuous conversation with a colleague who I knew as far back as Kuwait times (where I worked in mid-90s). He's working in the same Trust and it was poignant yet refreshing to talk about impressions. In keeping with my personal checks and balances of past, present and hopefully, future, he had an impression of me as a person. Something that I don't personally hold against him, in fact I take it as a force of awareness.

My friend, in our European jaunt, also had strong peculiar supposition about my character as a person and with that, I could only imagine what my detractors would say on top of it. I just don't know how I'd react to those people I lost in touch with, by personal choice or by natural termination, if I hear it from their own vendetta of past events. However, just like what I said, it's awareness that feeds curiosity.

That being the notion, would you rather re-write history of your life if given the chance to bend time continuum? Just like in movies, wouldn't there be repercussions and waves of cause and effect in the process?

Personally, people learn from their mistakes. If I go back and correct my shortcomings and wrongdoings, I'd never realise how lucky I am to have people who, through the test of time and predicaments, remain true and faithful characters to my existence.

I think people who got stuck to circa-forgotten are those who are cowards and just like in Darwin's theory, got left by the evolutionary process because their brains didn't develop and stayed primitive all throughout.

So yes, it also applies to people who develop wrinkles and age badly but their thought processes stopped at the age of 10.

succinctly

I was waiting for the bus and was minding my business, like I always do. The bus pulled over where I was standing still taking no notice of people around me. Being the first one to board, I had the luxury of finding my preferred seat. I sat next to the exit door and looked out of the glass window. There, stood this pretty girl who was sweetly and coyly grinning at me. Instinctively, I nodded anticipating a response. She continued smiling and when the bus started moving, she winked.

The mystery vanished but it was a strange feeling. A good one though.

symbiosis

I see why fashionable girls befriend gay men. Aside from their acerbic tongue and critical thinking in most worldly ways, they give sound fashion advice unlike girl-friends, who on close scrutiny give half-baked counsel and boyfriends who'd say yes to anything out of boredom.



I am typing this as my girl-friend Janette tries on a 60% sale item inside the cubicle. Bored to my eyeballs, I see what men find in this shopping exodus with women. But then again, it's symbiotic as gay men take pleasure from that womanly company they are emotionally attached with (I hear an uproar!).

Really, it's all fun.

raindance

Typical...

London, the minute you figured out what the weather's going to be like, you know you've made a truly erroneous judgment. The sun, radiant for nearly half a day, hid behind thick black clouds and the downpour of rain ensued. I am stranded on the sidelines of John Lewis battling Saturday shoppers for space.

For people who see rain poetically, it's good to welcome its silent drumming of the pavements in a rhythmic beating. It assuages one's pent up feelings of pain or contrary, a washing down of guilt and evil thoughts.

As for me, it is exquisite. It brings back the time when life was simple and young. The time when I was probably not even able to think for myself. It is truly, truly beautiful.

visual aid

When fire engulfed our house in 2004, my stacks of photo albums were reduced to ashes and left me nothing visual to gaze at in times of recollections. I couldn't rely on my non compos mentis self to vividly retrace my steps into the past. I vaguely remember things (perhaps my selective memory is on hyperdrive at the mere thought of yesteryears).



Using my digital camera, I took a photo of one of the surviving printed copies of my distant past. I am hoping that gently easing down memory lane through old photographs would eventually free me from the shackles of unspoken childhood. I can only truly embrace the person I have become by laying down the foundation of the past. Slowly, I know I am getting there.

Love never Dies

I just can't get enough... I just can't get enough.

(Don't you find A L Webber's gesticulation terribly annoying though?)

passion

I was the Sports Committee President during Intrams when I was a third year high school student. Our tennis player backed out the last minute due to sickness and instead of forfeiting the game, I was forced to step in to play the singles and doubles match. Having played table tennis before, I thought I'd give it a go. I lost despite leading the first set, 5-1 ( final score: 6-2, 7-5).

I played tennis since then.

I played a lot.

I even played tennis during sandstorms in Kuwait with my face mask on.

queue now

I'm dying.... to watch this.

Friday Friday

This is the face of a happy person waiting for 5 pm.

I used to hate Monday-Friday, 09:00 - 17:00 job but doing this routine for over 4 years now, it has become a hard habit to break. Now, weekends freak me out and night shifts, barbaric.

Thanks God, Nursing has many facets.

crossfire

I love that metaphoric idiom, shrinking violet, I really do. Although commonly used by Brits, I still find that appeal of how it's used in a sentence. The English language is complicated and fascinating at the same time.



Then some people string English words with Tagalog in a sentence and you get cringeworthy combo.

Girl: Na-met mo na ba si Danny?
Boy: Did you went na sa teaching session?

Is it the complexity of the English language that makes us turn into shrinking violets when confronted by situations... where continuous articulation of the language is expected of us in a social crisis?

I'm not a connoisseur of anything grammatical, whether it is my native tongue or my adopted language. What matters most is how you get your point across to people so they won't react, "What?... Come again?... Pardon me? Again, again, again.... Or Repeat it please...." after your outpour of angsts following your justification of a drug error. I'm sure it is frustrating for you and likewise, the person who filters and tries to grasp key words out of your sentences to make meat and potatoes out of it all.

English, at its most awkward times, is still intimidating. That's why I blog.

enlighten me

I attended this Friday's meeting of Senior people of the TRUST and even up to this day, I struggle with the obvious discrepancies with UK English grammar and my taught grammar based on American standards back home (phils).

These lines were mouthed by people of high educational background and I need some major convincing to choose a side that's relevant to my practice of the language:

- the Occupational Health are moving office...
- the Council are pushing the plans of pro-active community care...
- the Hospital Trust aim to strengthen bond with its community ties...

(blah blah blah)

At the end of the day, I guess accepting the UK way is the safest and acceptable habitude when dealing with this. As they say, when in Rome, do what Romans do.

But.....

austere measure

Although Britain is already out of the snags of bitter recession, life doesn't afford good clearance from hardships and innumerable bill obligations. The stream of demands financially keep on pouring that if one's not careful enough, it is easy to go red in your account. Sad to say, I am not the Bill Gates and Carlos Slim Helu of the world and not even close to the persevering Band 5 nurses of the Renal Unit who work hours and hours of overtime in a week.

I am bitter but it is my self-inflicted, self-imposed predicament.

And while I wait for that dire sense of need and responsibility, bringing packed lunch to work saves me pennies to use for daily struggles. Besides, my own prepared food has more security and love put into it. Plus a touch of imagination goes a long way when stimulating appetite is concerned.





So, pork adobo tomorrow?

now officially dedicated...

Change is good. I always embrace it.

For some, resistance is stronger and a matter-of-life event. I don't think changing to something new is demeaning one's character just because you're advised by a friend to do it. I do change but not without a good spatial and holistic deliberation.

My conversation last night with a friend was about polishing and "beautifying" my blog site. In case I'd forget, I started blogging for the reason of emotional outlet of things I normally couldn't articulate seamlessly in day to day grind. But realising that responsibility comes with emotional outpour and that cycle of reciprocity to few readers (agreed, subtly insinuated or telepathically conveyed), I was eventually convinced to add aesthetics to my site. I changed the name, lay-out and added a photo.

If only one can change life at the stroke of the mouse.

travel by palate

This evening, I cooked sinigang.

I had seafood paella earlier and a friend bought me Peanut Butter shake from Ed's.

Bo's finally back from Italy and there's a foreign feel in the kitchen.

meaning vs meanings

I received a forwarded email and it was funny in a sexist way.
Check it out below:


What goes through your mind when someone says "Let's go for a drink"?