I have this nifty way of finding out if I care about a thing, a situation or a person.
I sit in an empty room and contemplate. I clear my mind of distractions. I usually think of happy thoughts and if they're deeply tucked far, far inside my psyche because happy doesn't come that often in this day and age, I just recollect about my last fashion purchase and how I would accessorise it.
Once I'm calmer than usual, I ask myself this question: how would I feel living without this thing, situation or person. There are three possible reactions to this.
A. Nada
B. Happiness and the likes
C. Nausea
Recently, I asked myself that question and felt nauseated. I'm glad I do feel that way.
Tuesday, 31 August 2010
off to
The rain has come
And gone to the roots
Of the earth
Of the sewers
Of the rivers, lakes and seas.
The rain has come
And gone to the roots
Of the heart
Of the weary thoughts
Of the spirit
As solitude comes
And dwell in your abode.
And gone to the roots
Of the earth
Of the sewers
Of the rivers, lakes and seas.
The rain has come
And gone to the roots
Of the heart
Of the weary thoughts
Of the spirit
As solitude comes
And dwell in your abode.
soppy
I tend to become poetic when I'm upset and depressed.
The swirling dark emotions are enough to stir that cauldron of poetic spells I rarely use. Seems like I don't have to wait for Halloween to incite this forged dormant giant of an emotion inside of me. Today, I am feeling low.
Relationships are hard to maintain. Foundations are laid and sometimes, a solid structure to keep it stronger over the years does not suffice the weathering storm that rips and afflicts life in the frequency of a common cold; like the smashing of waves against the cliff. It takes more than the most unyielding and robust material to withstand the battling elements, internally and out. Sometimes, a willow affords that example of humility and flexibility against the might of the resilient, tenacious wind. A recipe to a balanced relationship is not measured in ounces, time, skill and experiences. When they falter, they just do. The crucial moment is the day after of the storm when decisions are made and whether, you'd eat a crumbling, puffed out chiffon cake after that perfectly calculated preparation.
In my past years, I have learned the value of specificity. But, pain doesn't have to be specific at all times. Acknowledging a referred pain is a good start to knowing that a problem exists.
The swirling dark emotions are enough to stir that cauldron of poetic spells I rarely use. Seems like I don't have to wait for Halloween to incite this forged dormant giant of an emotion inside of me. Today, I am feeling low.
Relationships are hard to maintain. Foundations are laid and sometimes, a solid structure to keep it stronger over the years does not suffice the weathering storm that rips and afflicts life in the frequency of a common cold; like the smashing of waves against the cliff. It takes more than the most unyielding and robust material to withstand the battling elements, internally and out. Sometimes, a willow affords that example of humility and flexibility against the might of the resilient, tenacious wind. A recipe to a balanced relationship is not measured in ounces, time, skill and experiences. When they falter, they just do. The crucial moment is the day after of the storm when decisions are made and whether, you'd eat a crumbling, puffed out chiffon cake after that perfectly calculated preparation.
In my past years, I have learned the value of specificity. But, pain doesn't have to be specific at all times. Acknowledging a referred pain is a good start to knowing that a problem exists.
Sunday, 29 August 2010
Saturday, 28 August 2010
Friday, 27 August 2010
vegetarian
Coconut milk
Butternut squash
Curry powder
Coke
I am running late. I was caught up between choosing a wedding dress and shoes with Cecile who is getting married in few weeks time. We saw this nice off-white dress at John Lewis after scouring the whole of Oxford Street for a decent yet lovely dress for the occasion. We also found this white satin shoes in the same store which made her mobilising a lot easier with her massive baby bump. So yes, I am running late as I still have grocery items to buy at Tesco (see list above). Bo and I are expecting his work colleague for dinner tonight and I have a lot to prepare. A vegetarian meal is not that easy to concoct in a hurried pace.
The menu says:
Starter:
Battered butternut squash with curry drizzle
Mains:
Seafood Saffron Risotto
Dessert:
Angel delight
Beverage:
Coke and Tap water (Gin and Tonic and Irish cream - if adventurous enough)
This is the start of my long bank holiday weekend. Being vegetarian for the night reminds me of a not-so-distant past. Let's see if I remember the lessons I've learned from that vegetarian book I got as a wedding gift. About time to put it to good use and take it out of its misery for being the odd one out amongst the vast hoard of medical books.
Let's see if it's a bon appetit!
Butternut squash
Curry powder
Coke
I am running late. I was caught up between choosing a wedding dress and shoes with Cecile who is getting married in few weeks time. We saw this nice off-white dress at John Lewis after scouring the whole of Oxford Street for a decent yet lovely dress for the occasion. We also found this white satin shoes in the same store which made her mobilising a lot easier with her massive baby bump. So yes, I am running late as I still have grocery items to buy at Tesco (see list above). Bo and I are expecting his work colleague for dinner tonight and I have a lot to prepare. A vegetarian meal is not that easy to concoct in a hurried pace.
The menu says:
Starter:
Battered butternut squash with curry drizzle
Mains:
Seafood Saffron Risotto
Dessert:
Angel delight
Beverage:
Coke and Tap water (Gin and Tonic and Irish cream - if adventurous enough)
This is the start of my long bank holiday weekend. Being vegetarian for the night reminds me of a not-so-distant past. Let's see if I remember the lessons I've learned from that vegetarian book I got as a wedding gift. About time to put it to good use and take it out of its misery for being the odd one out amongst the vast hoard of medical books.
Let's see if it's a bon appetit!
rain dance
I am at my wits end. Finding solutions to avoid multitasking and ways to tackle last minute route changes happen to be as difficult as memorising the Gettysburg Address. I remember having troubles with that oratorical piece I had to deliver during the U.N. Week when I was 14.
Today, this last minute breakdown of Northern line has affected most of the working class as we try to find a way going home. I'd predict a hyperdrive on mobile phone applications re: maps and transport until late this evening. Buses would be filled to the point of bursting. It would mean vexation all the way home.
This is the time I'd hear NAM's words of wisdom with regards to owning a car in the metropolis. But still, this event wouldn't be enough to justify the need for a vehicle.
Back to my present predicament, I am carrying a brolley, a backpack, a bundle of documents (instructed not to fold the copies) and four bags of grocery items. The rain is pouring incessantly as a form of punishment for donating less to the ravaged Pakistan (but better than other rich countries apparently). It's like trying to say, "Hey you Brits, see if you'd cope with a little downpour".
Yes, a little drop of rain (compared to my past experiences of monsoon back home) and London is drowning... and transport suffers with it. It seems like a minor aberration in the display of elements could wreck Londontown. It seems like the Victorian age is still upon us.
Today, this last minute breakdown of Northern line has affected most of the working class as we try to find a way going home. I'd predict a hyperdrive on mobile phone applications re: maps and transport until late this evening. Buses would be filled to the point of bursting. It would mean vexation all the way home.
This is the time I'd hear NAM's words of wisdom with regards to owning a car in the metropolis. But still, this event wouldn't be enough to justify the need for a vehicle.
Back to my present predicament, I am carrying a brolley, a backpack, a bundle of documents (instructed not to fold the copies) and four bags of grocery items. The rain is pouring incessantly as a form of punishment for donating less to the ravaged Pakistan (but better than other rich countries apparently). It's like trying to say, "Hey you Brits, see if you'd cope with a little downpour".
Yes, a little drop of rain (compared to my past experiences of monsoon back home) and London is drowning... and transport suffers with it. It seems like a minor aberration in the display of elements could wreck Londontown. It seems like the Victorian age is still upon us.
Thursday, 26 August 2010
killing time
It is nearly half four and I still have half an hour before calling it a day at work. I have decided to write something, using this desktop as I multitask between OLM (just another computer-ware related to staff training management) and blogging.
Lacking insight as to what to write, it suddenly occured to me that one embarrassing moment at work that could potentially be worth this "killing time" event. Last week, I took it up a notch by exercising (doing sit-ups) in the office. Hoping my colleagues were all gone home, I placed my shirt on the floor and did 50 half crunches. As I was about to finish with the exercise, the door flung open and shattered my decency to smithereens. All that my colleagues could muster was a perplexed look with jaws hitting the floor.
I said, "It's not what you think it is" (like what they usually say in movies after being caught in a compromising situation) but quickly retorted, "I'm doing sit-ups". I was answered by a chorus of "O.......K.....". I must have burned more calories with that sudden upsurge of heat and energy discharge from shame than the actual sit-ups. I felt light-headed, I thought I lost relatively most of glucose in my brain.
Note to self: Next time, lock the door!
Lacking insight as to what to write, it suddenly occured to me that one embarrassing moment at work that could potentially be worth this "killing time" event. Last week, I took it up a notch by exercising (doing sit-ups) in the office. Hoping my colleagues were all gone home, I placed my shirt on the floor and did 50 half crunches. As I was about to finish with the exercise, the door flung open and shattered my decency to smithereens. All that my colleagues could muster was a perplexed look with jaws hitting the floor.
I said, "It's not what you think it is" (like what they usually say in movies after being caught in a compromising situation) but quickly retorted, "I'm doing sit-ups". I was answered by a chorus of "O.......K.....". I must have burned more calories with that sudden upsurge of heat and energy discharge from shame than the actual sit-ups. I felt light-headed, I thought I lost relatively most of glucose in my brain.
Note to self: Next time, lock the door!
Wednesday, 25 August 2010
to be loved
A lot of things happened in the past days. It effortlessly unfolded like diarrhoea that usually happens after ingurgitating a Chicken Katsu Curry from Wagamama; just uncomfortable but disencumbering nevertheless in its aftermath. Look away now! Don't you feel wonderful after an explosive evacuation? (I like the way it relates to my partner's blog site: www.houseofdiarrhea.com).
I attended a lesbian wedding reception held at Rhodes24 resto. I went to watch the "Celebration of Rodgers and Hammerstein" at Royal Albert hall. I was offsick for two days and on my first day back at work, I decided to help a Band 5 nurse do bed bath to a patient. My first in 5 years.
They were a mix of happenings.
Despite the tediousness of the past days, I learned a valuable lesson. I learned that no matter how you find yourself immersed in a myriad of life's intricacies, there is always a bottomline: you go home and sleep. Basic, I know... but how often do we realise that home is where the heart is. Actually, that's not what it is all about. It has to do with home comforts.
The journey outside your abode becomes more meaningful when you know that by the time you reach home, a loving person opens the door.
I attended a lesbian wedding reception held at Rhodes24 resto. I went to watch the "Celebration of Rodgers and Hammerstein" at Royal Albert hall. I was offsick for two days and on my first day back at work, I decided to help a Band 5 nurse do bed bath to a patient. My first in 5 years.
They were a mix of happenings.
Despite the tediousness of the past days, I learned a valuable lesson. I learned that no matter how you find yourself immersed in a myriad of life's intricacies, there is always a bottomline: you go home and sleep. Basic, I know... but how often do we realise that home is where the heart is. Actually, that's not what it is all about. It has to do with home comforts.
The journey outside your abode becomes more meaningful when you know that by the time you reach home, a loving person opens the door.
Tuesday, 24 August 2010
Sunday, 22 August 2010
Saturday, 21 August 2010
Friday, 20 August 2010
homo
There are two things that I'd like to point out regarding the incident that happened at lunch time whilst at work. But let me narrate how it happened.
Miss G is a lovely girl. She's one of the Band 5 Acute dialysis nurses and a devout Christian. We both know a particular friend who is getting hitched in the next few days: "hitch" meaning civil partnership. This guy in discussion is a regular in the Christian circuit of worship but happens to be one of the gayest men I have ever met.
Miss G was teary-eyed when I mentioned about "civil partnership". They (her friends) kept this news from the Pastor for the sake of keeping this guy's "reputation" intact. As she cried, I saw that real concern for our common friend and was truly moving in a way. Our other colleague (Mrs S) who was on the same table during lunch just couldn't help but poke a thought or two about the matter.
The next thing was an ensuing debate about open-mindedness and acceptance versus the teachings of Christian faith. The more that Mrs. S reiterated how important that we shouldn't be meddling with other people's personal choices, the more Miss G became defiant about it, followed by incessant sobs.
Two things:
I adore Miss G for her loving nature as a friend. I'd kill to have a fried who would pray for my safety and most importantly, my sanity. Real friends are as extinct as the dodos.
Secondly, I think naïveté is charming but as poisonous as Eve's apple ( or the witch's apple to Sleeping Beauty). I am not against religion but it's twice this week that I've heard two quotes from my friends at work: "Religion is the main reason for the world's unrest" and "I go to church to shut my wife up".
Who knows what the ultimate truth is, eh? It's an age-old adage but I know for sure: my mother will beat me to a pulp if I say that I don't believe in God.
Miss G is a lovely girl. She's one of the Band 5 Acute dialysis nurses and a devout Christian. We both know a particular friend who is getting hitched in the next few days: "hitch" meaning civil partnership. This guy in discussion is a regular in the Christian circuit of worship but happens to be one of the gayest men I have ever met.
Miss G was teary-eyed when I mentioned about "civil partnership". They (her friends) kept this news from the Pastor for the sake of keeping this guy's "reputation" intact. As she cried, I saw that real concern for our common friend and was truly moving in a way. Our other colleague (Mrs S) who was on the same table during lunch just couldn't help but poke a thought or two about the matter.
The next thing was an ensuing debate about open-mindedness and acceptance versus the teachings of Christian faith. The more that Mrs. S reiterated how important that we shouldn't be meddling with other people's personal choices, the more Miss G became defiant about it, followed by incessant sobs.
Two things:
I adore Miss G for her loving nature as a friend. I'd kill to have a fried who would pray for my safety and most importantly, my sanity. Real friends are as extinct as the dodos.
Secondly, I think naïveté is charming but as poisonous as Eve's apple ( or the witch's apple to Sleeping Beauty). I am not against religion but it's twice this week that I've heard two quotes from my friends at work: "Religion is the main reason for the world's unrest" and "I go to church to shut my wife up".
Who knows what the ultimate truth is, eh? It's an age-old adage but I know for sure: my mother will beat me to a pulp if I say that I don't believe in God.
so you think you're cool?
The girl with:
Black Comme des Garcons tee-top
Baby pink fluffy cotton Westwood jacket
Shiny black Balenciaga bag
Studded black brogue Prada shoes
Diesel denim shorts
A white-gold Cartier bracelet
Black Comme des Garcons tee-top
Baby pink fluffy cotton Westwood jacket
Shiny black Balenciaga bag
Studded black brogue Prada shoes
Diesel denim shorts
A white-gold Cartier bracelet
And an Omega watch
The Japanese girl rocks it with finesse and understated glamour. It takes a trained designer-spotting eye to notice the minute details and logos just peering through the items. I know some people who like brands emblazoned to full effect for others to notice. This is the reason why D&G is my most abhorred designer gear.
The Japanese girl rocks it with finesse and understated glamour. It takes a trained designer-spotting eye to notice the minute details and logos just peering through the items. I know some people who like brands emblazoned to full effect for others to notice. This is the reason why D&G is my most abhorred designer gear.
word of the day
The girl next to me is reading "The Rise of the Meritocracy Threat of Comprehensive Schools". In those nine words, meritocracy strikes me the most. Firstly, I have a vague understanding of its meaning and secondly, I haven't used the word in a sentence before hence this blog.
To define meritocracy:
1. an elite group of people whose progress is based on ability and talent rather than on class privilege or wealth.
2. a system in which such persons are rewarded and advanced: The dean believes the educational system should be a meritocracy.
3. leadership by able and talented persons.
It has been a long week. My body's tired but my mind is in overdrive. What's the exact word for eroticism with words?
To define meritocracy:
1. an elite group of people whose progress is based on ability and talent rather than on class privilege or wealth.
2. a system in which such persons are rewarded and advanced: The dean believes the educational system should be a meritocracy.
3. leadership by able and talented persons.
It has been a long week. My body's tired but my mind is in overdrive. What's the exact word for eroticism with words?
red
I'm tired of listening to debates about recession.
The government has just frozen the annual salary increment for nurses. In the past, when Big Bosses at work said that we needed to economise, it didn't really mean major overhauling of staffing and major cuts left, right and centre. It was more of a caution than an exercise of management review. These days, it takes a literal interpretation when they say lessening and marking down expenditures. Cuts mean mathematical calculation where targets are set in stone. Leeway is a thing in the past. With this, uncertainty is definitely in the air. Job reviews are as common as the increasing sick rate in the NHS. The latter is an evidence of diminishing faith to the system and subsequent burn-out.
This is driven by the new Government occupying the No. 10. I'm sure they have reasons for the budget cuts across NHS but I blame myself for not exercising my right of suffrage. I had the chance but I blew it.
For the time being, I just have to bear and grin the tightening of belt to help improve British economy. What do i have to do while streaks of grim and gloom occupy the vista? I thought:
- listen to my partner whose economic know-how is impeccable
- bring food to work or eat less (Five kilos of excess fat are difficult to shift)
- cut down on jacket buying
- follow the home-work-home routine without fail
- mull over the thought that Oxford, Regent and Carnaby streets are a Monte Carlo to a pauper
- night-in is the way to go social
I can think of more but the tube is halting to a stop at Golders Green station.
The government has just frozen the annual salary increment for nurses. In the past, when Big Bosses at work said that we needed to economise, it didn't really mean major overhauling of staffing and major cuts left, right and centre. It was more of a caution than an exercise of management review. These days, it takes a literal interpretation when they say lessening and marking down expenditures. Cuts mean mathematical calculation where targets are set in stone. Leeway is a thing in the past. With this, uncertainty is definitely in the air. Job reviews are as common as the increasing sick rate in the NHS. The latter is an evidence of diminishing faith to the system and subsequent burn-out.
This is driven by the new Government occupying the No. 10. I'm sure they have reasons for the budget cuts across NHS but I blame myself for not exercising my right of suffrage. I had the chance but I blew it.
For the time being, I just have to bear and grin the tightening of belt to help improve British economy. What do i have to do while streaks of grim and gloom occupy the vista? I thought:
- listen to my partner whose economic know-how is impeccable
- bring food to work or eat less (Five kilos of excess fat are difficult to shift)
- cut down on jacket buying
- follow the home-work-home routine without fail
- mull over the thought that Oxford, Regent and Carnaby streets are a Monte Carlo to a pauper
- night-in is the way to go social
I can think of more but the tube is halting to a stop at Golders Green station.
Thursday, 19 August 2010
Sunday, 15 August 2010
punctuality train
I feel my gluts aching intensely. I have been sat on this metal bench for over an hour. We missed the train to Didcot Parkway (near Oxford) where Lito's BBQ party is underway. Rainfall in London is not letting up but I wonder if it is the same fate for Oxfordshire. I hope Lito has plan B just in case. Yes, we missed the train because the other two aren't even here inside the Paddington railway station. I have issues about punctuality and Filipinos are the notorious culprits. This is one thing I have improved on over the years. Hence, the detestation.
I feel a pressure sore developing. I loathe waiting. For every precious seconds and minutes lost, I feel like being robbed of golden possibilities. Who knows if we've taken the 13:30 train, I could have met an opulent businessman who'd offer me a job outside Nursing.
The next train is 14:15. They'd better be here or I will... I'm hungry and BBQ is still 2 hours away. This business of trying to lose weight is getting to my patience.
I want to slap someone.
I feel a pressure sore developing. I loathe waiting. For every precious seconds and minutes lost, I feel like being robbed of golden possibilities. Who knows if we've taken the 13:30 train, I could have met an opulent businessman who'd offer me a job outside Nursing.
The next train is 14:15. They'd better be here or I will... I'm hungry and BBQ is still 2 hours away. This business of trying to lose weight is getting to my patience.
I want to slap someone.
rain
On my way home, I bumped into my pesky neighbour. She is the product of quick evolution of a chihuahua. She is tiny but fiery, mindful of other's business and chats for England.
Me: Hello.
Evolved Chihuahua: Oh, hi there! Blah blah blah blah.
(I automatically shut down. I nod to give that impression I'm listening)
Evolved Chihuahua: more blahs.
(I gesture to go my way)
Evolved Chihuahua: Whatever happened to the wonderful summer.
(dark and gloomy and hinting a massive downpour)
Me: Gone!
Thanks god for the rain. Chihuahuas are homebound when they fall.
Friday, 13 August 2010
the fame game
Yes, that's Max Clifford (PR Guru) and the new girl in question... Alexandra Escat. She's described by Metro paper as the Filipino brunette who shared intimate moments with Prince Andrew (see top photo).
Can you imagine a Filipino royalty?
Thursday, 12 August 2010
Thurs
I seldom glorify Thursday. This is probably because Thursday is a day before "hedonistic" Friday and a day after "utilitarian" Wednesday. As we all know, Friday marks the beginning of the weekend... I mean the precious weekend. Wednesday on the other hand is when people who have sense of practicality in them would opt for the "Orange Wednesdays" where cinema tickets are 2-4-1. That makes Thursday an in-betweener and just like the second child in a family, takes second fiddle in priority, if not the least.
I am blogging about today for this day presents an exciting prospect of self awareness and career development as professional judgement is concerned. We have finally finished interviewing today for Health Care Assistants but the dilemma of sifting through the outcomes of applications and passing reasonable, informed and evidence based decisions happen to be a not-so-easy task. It's like assisting in delivering babies minus the gory human accessorial matters. But it certainly requires a gut feeling and knowledge to determine whether the newborn's well enough to survive the world or not. Workforce planning is like that: too primal for my liking.
I will remember this day for I have reservations regarding our decisions about someone's future. I have so much heart that I live the dictum of "give the benefit of the doubt" and "giving chances".
I thought I have the stomach to be fair, stern and balanced in my own decision-making skills but I'm afraid I'm not. I still see the good in people and that human errors litter the recruitment process. I'd be happy to read an article in the near future where a POD gets to scan an applicant and assesses holistically for job suitability as based on efficiency, effectiveness, adequacy and appropriateness.
I must believe that human virtues and credibility are still the foundation to better living. But with that thought, isn't that asking too much from a race ravaged with inequalities and imperfections?
This Thursday seems to take the limelight away from the other days of the week. In fact, I think I am a Thursday child. I empathise to being occasionally significant.
I am blogging about today for this day presents an exciting prospect of self awareness and career development as professional judgement is concerned. We have finally finished interviewing today for Health Care Assistants but the dilemma of sifting through the outcomes of applications and passing reasonable, informed and evidence based decisions happen to be a not-so-easy task. It's like assisting in delivering babies minus the gory human accessorial matters. But it certainly requires a gut feeling and knowledge to determine whether the newborn's well enough to survive the world or not. Workforce planning is like that: too primal for my liking.
I will remember this day for I have reservations regarding our decisions about someone's future. I have so much heart that I live the dictum of "give the benefit of the doubt" and "giving chances".
I thought I have the stomach to be fair, stern and balanced in my own decision-making skills but I'm afraid I'm not. I still see the good in people and that human errors litter the recruitment process. I'd be happy to read an article in the near future where a POD gets to scan an applicant and assesses holistically for job suitability as based on efficiency, effectiveness, adequacy and appropriateness.
I must believe that human virtues and credibility are still the foundation to better living. But with that thought, isn't that asking too much from a race ravaged with inequalities and imperfections?
This Thursday seems to take the limelight away from the other days of the week. In fact, I think I am a Thursday child. I empathise to being occasionally significant.
too bright
Ignore this poor copy of Nadal's match against Wawrinka (Rogers Masters 2010). Focus on the near neon bright red and pink combo top. Isn't he amazing?
Wednesday, 11 August 2010
them days
After 3 gin and tonic drinks and a pint of Guinness, I'm talkative as ever.
My partner says I'm drunk!
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
connections
I have got to see this year's Notting Hill carnival.
I saw this and made me smile. Bo would love this pic of Rihanna and her massive forehead.
surviving London
Let me capture the moment.
I haven't been this low in the past three years but it hurts just like the first time. Today, it's pissing down with rain as if trying to punish us mere mortals for the long stretch of dry hot spell in the past weeks. However, the temperature remains high so does the humidity. Britain is verging to tropical predisposition and I hate it. This is exactly how I feel. I am overwhelmed by hate and loathing. The problem is ... I know what causes it but who to blame remains a puzzlement ( if I'm trying to keep things in an optimistic stride). But really, to find an object to blame is probably better for my psyche.
My mother as I find out from my brother, isn't well (left sided weakness). My father's been unwell for as long as I can remember. We had two deaths in the family in the past months and my siblings are distant (in any sense you can possibly define it). My brother is a mess. I just came off the phone talking to him that included a good bollocking in the end. I am going home soon and nothing seems right. The barrier to realising that plan is getting more and more insurmountable each day.
I am not ashamed to admit this but I send money home to support them despite the protestations and lack of cultural insight my partner has about the whole thing. But the bottom-line is... I have to send money as it bugs me as a son to pretend that everything's fine and dandy; that they're self sufficient back home in this testing economic dilemma.
I want to think that this pressure of living abroad is nothing but a natural exercise of continuing cultural and familial responsibility. This being said, I sound like a calloused, impertinent ingrate.
I haven't been this low in the past three years but it hurts just like the first time. Today, it's pissing down with rain as if trying to punish us mere mortals for the long stretch of dry hot spell in the past weeks. However, the temperature remains high so does the humidity. Britain is verging to tropical predisposition and I hate it. This is exactly how I feel. I am overwhelmed by hate and loathing. The problem is ... I know what causes it but who to blame remains a puzzlement ( if I'm trying to keep things in an optimistic stride). But really, to find an object to blame is probably better for my psyche.
My mother as I find out from my brother, isn't well (left sided weakness). My father's been unwell for as long as I can remember. We had two deaths in the family in the past months and my siblings are distant (in any sense you can possibly define it). My brother is a mess. I just came off the phone talking to him that included a good bollocking in the end. I am going home soon and nothing seems right. The barrier to realising that plan is getting more and more insurmountable each day.
I am not ashamed to admit this but I send money home to support them despite the protestations and lack of cultural insight my partner has about the whole thing. But the bottom-line is... I have to send money as it bugs me as a son to pretend that everything's fine and dandy; that they're self sufficient back home in this testing economic dilemma.
I want to think that this pressure of living abroad is nothing but a natural exercise of continuing cultural and familial responsibility. This being said, I sound like a calloused, impertinent ingrate.
Monday, 9 August 2010
future
We did interviews today.
Our selection process is three-part. The written test, the OSCE (Objective Structured Clinical Examination) and the interview. The written test for health care assistants is literacy and numeracy test while OSCE is based on skills where they are given a scenario. One needs an Oscar winning performance to make it outstanding. The interview is just that, an interview.
There's so much power bestowed upon those who do shortlisting and appointing new members of staff. It could make or break an unsuspecting soul. On reflection, I am deeply scared of losing sight of someone's true nature. Biases do exist and they don't usually help a job application and the seeking of it. If only I'm totally psychic.
I have been subjected to this judgement and it has a holistic effect.
Our selection process is three-part. The written test, the OSCE (Objective Structured Clinical Examination) and the interview. The written test for health care assistants is literacy and numeracy test while OSCE is based on skills where they are given a scenario. One needs an Oscar winning performance to make it outstanding. The interview is just that, an interview.
There's so much power bestowed upon those who do shortlisting and appointing new members of staff. It could make or break an unsuspecting soul. On reflection, I am deeply scared of losing sight of someone's true nature. Biases do exist and they don't usually help a job application and the seeking of it. If only I'm totally psychic.
I have been subjected to this judgement and it has a holistic effect.
multiple choice
From the pic, what is the most fascinating?
a. the underwear-flashing apple representative wearing low waist trousers
b. the interior of the world's largest Apple store
c. the hunched granddad tinkering on iPad and listening to music
d. this stolen shot!
It could be the bigger picture, the smallest of details or the most implausible that we see. There are multiple angles to understanding life (in bigger perspective) or a situation. I understand many things but I realise that even the simplest of things comes in convoluted, Gordian existence.
Time is an ally in finding out reasons and meanings. But it doesn't normally conform to one's wishes and desires.
Sunday, 8 August 2010
Sunday Diary
I slept at 3 am and woken up by the alarm at 7. Few hours of sleep followed by ball bashing at Leyton Indoor tennis club was no ordinary feat but physically rewarding nevertheless. Despite the effort, I arrived 15 minutes late. Dexter and Niño were munching on hamburger and fries when I got there. The massive gymnasium was near empty except for the family playing badminton. Suddenly, I had this anamnesis of my family playing table tennis back home. I was raised by a family that valued sports and its benefits. We never stayed sedentary growing up.
I won the two sets played against Niño , 6-1 6-3. In between, I hit some balls with Dexter and must admit that he's improving each time I practice with him. It's another warm humid day that at the end of the two hour session, I was bathed in my own sweat. It was such a good workout.
It's now half one and I still have food shopping to do. I cannot afford to dilly dally as most supermarkets close early on a Sunday. I value my weekend so much since I have been working the weekdays without respite for the past five years. In the process, I lost thousands of pounds of monetary enhancements for unsocial hours. But something has to give. I chose a Monday to Friday 9-5 job, to keep that balance of work and play. An all-work-no-play-self means I'd be rich with no real friends. I could live with that but money couldn't buy everything, could it?
Next week is laden with administrative stuff and less clinical work. I will be interviewing applicants for HCA (Health Care Assistant) posts and a week later, new Band 5 (Nurses) posts. This is a different kind of busy. The last time I did blood pressure for a patient was aeons ago. Shameful but true. No direct patient contact for the past 2 years and it is an abomination to my practise of this profession. I believe I am a good bedside nurse but if this job is keeping me away from it, I might as well take a sabbatical and do full time teaching instead. This will help me sort out my muddled priorities.
This Sunday has been physically and mentally reflective. I highly recommend this to everybody i.e. reflection. It doesn't have to be acadaemic and theoretical. Honesty is all that you need to invest.
mad about tennis
I slept at 3 am and woke up to the annoying alarm at 7 am.
Two things I'd get for sacrificing Sunday's lazing about:
- the much needed exercise
- change of routine
Saturday, 7 August 2010
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