dose of me...

I hope this (black tie) brings me good luck.

Ok. You've got my attention!

So...

a) Should I buy it because I'm curious?

b) Should I not buy it because of this manipulative ploy?

pressing matters

OK.

I have taken time off from work. With this move, I have a lot of sitting down and emailing to do today. My diary looks swamped with important appointments in the next days and I'm glad I keep track of pressing matters that are due to happen within the directorate. Otherwise, I'd get the flak for being the worst person in the work-sphere.

Let's see if I get tempted to check my work emails while I'm officially on leave.

I doubt it but ...

hosting stint

I don't know but I just couldn't say NO to some people. Gelo is one of them. I was asked last Saturday to host the event at le partenaire's workplace to celebrate "International Day". I said YES but I barely knew people from his professional side of things. I knew it would be challenging since this would be attended by Home Residents, relatives, staff and other guests.

As expected, it was a packed Atrium before midday but the microphone was dead as a dodo. In between numbers, I had to google some facts so I could relate and translate some of the dances and songs presented by Gelo's team. I thought it would end there but as requested by the organiser, I ended up hosting even the afternoon program. This time, I had to cover India, Nepal, Brazil and Zambia. Where Gelo works, they're a multi-cultural group of staff and this "International Day" was a big deal for them.

In the end, I had praises from the General Manager who did the closing remarks and the Home's Activity Co-ordinator.

Public speaking doesn't faze and scare-the-pants-off me. The whole family are like that. Growing up, confidence was something my parents mixed and mashed in our hot and cold dishes. The one served in cold dish was special. It was for tough moments like last Saturday.

the last item

bow of rain

I hate it that Paul Smith and the Gay Brigade take ownership of multiple colours of the rainbow. I can't help it but associate gayness and fashion each time I see the band across the sky. The good thing is, I totally can relate to this phenomenon. I am proud of who I am and I have an eye for fashion. But the downside is, that's not exactly how I want it to be. I want rainbow be just that - a band of colours that remind me of the sun, peeping and peering through the darkness.

I believe that problems can be solved and that my dreams are going to come true.

Killing time productively

The alarm went off at 0530 to prepare for leave. This is for the nth time that I'd be leaving the Bernal-Ballesteros household in the past 8 months. I am not a morning person and never really relished on the thought of waking up early to journey out there. My train however is at 0700 and Gelo is working today. It would be nice to travel early today to have a feel of the countryside in its pristine condition. True, I'm just trying to justify and rationalise this early sojourn.

This is no major feat.



In few days time, I'd be wearing the Simon Carter shirt I bought at TK Maxx for a cheaper price. This completes my ensemble for the upcoming nuptial civil partnership. The nearer it gets the more I feel certain that this decision is the right one. What muddles my usually unfazed and fortright decision-making skills is the settling-down place. London is like that item bought years ago and reminds you of human sentimentality that disposing it means you deal with angst and unimaginable rationalisation why it's worth keeping it. Literally I don't have much of that but London has shaped the person I am now and abandoning her could affect my zest for living.

My friends say a cocktail of words of borrowed wisdom... "cross the bridge when you get there", "a life in the countryside is always a good start", "tired of London, tired of life", "London is obvious economics compared to Norwich", "true peace is deep-seated and not drawn from what is essentially perceived by your senses", etc. The last two happen to be my own mental rambling on the subject matter. There are pros and cons. Let's see how this issue settles itself down in due time.

I'm certain of one thing though: Gelo makes me insanely happy and that's all I need. I think, happiness comes in different sizes, shapes and colours that we get blinded by its realness. The real one is rather raw and unpolished. It's just like how we're made as people whether you're a Darwin or God's disciple. For me it's no longer the new fad or winning "Miss Congeniality" in the process. I believe in love and just like evolution, it makes us better people in remembering how good it feels to love surpassing the excess emotions you've harbored in the past.

There are two changes before I get to London. Railtrack works this bank holiday Monday SUCK but Adele's 21 is perfect for this idyllic yet fleeing moment. I already stopped questioning myself how I feel. I have moved on from the word GO after saying YES to Gelo. From now on, I'd play Adele in my solitude and savour life's reflection as if I consume less glucose each time I ruminate deeply. Killing time has never been this exciting. It pays to be happy when you do, for it helps your guilt from time-wasting to go on unpunished.

Believe me, I'm no psycho.

Bullet part trois

I woke up sneezing and with a heavy head. This is despite having hours upon hours of sleep. Let's recapitulate:

- impromptu hosting - "International Day"
- found our dream rings
- Gelo bought his suit
- got rained on

I went to bed and slept for the longest time imaginable.

I will tell you more about the hosting stint tomorrow.

Bullet part deux

Weekend by far...

- played videogame
- watched Scream4 with Norwich peeps
- ate Chinese/Filipino meal
- drove miles
- Tesco before midnight
- rain rain rain

Today is Filipino day where Le Partenaire works.

I am expected to host the proceedings.

My weekend's shaping up interestingly.

Let's see what happens.

Plea

Did I just type that monstrosity of a blog earlier? I apologise for such a wandering mind. I wish my blog-mates would write blogs more often.

Indulge me people!

Ramblings

Yey. 

Ok, make that double Yey.

I don't understand the whole history of BANK HOLIDAY weekend (or just lazy to look it up using my trusted wiki). However, the good thing is that I have three days off and more time to dramaticise growing old and appreciate slowing down. I'd like to say party, party and more party but we've cleared that aeons ago. 

As I type this blog, I'm off to Norwich to visit le partenaire. I have come prepared for the two-hour travel. I plan to saturate my tympanics with Beyonce's 4, Cruel Intentions ST and Adele's 21. It should be fun except I'm sitting next to a bear (not in Gay lingo). His hairy arm is owning my other half of the arm-rest and regular brushing of elbows sends that uncomfortable feeling. I'd like to give him a bit of a jolt but I'm sympathetic to his undivided attention towards House-watching (that American TV show starred by a quintessential Brit). You know what I mean, right?

The boy in front of me is tracing Harry Potter onto the onion-skin paper while his mother is overly mindful of his behaviour and that suits me just fine. By the way, majority of passengers in the carriage I'm in are iphone4 users. I thought I'd share this commonality to show that being unique is not how a law is being passed these days. Oh, that's a major leap of a rationale but I'm sure you know what I mean. Enough of people you'd probably not meet in your lifetime unless you marry the hairy man next to me. 

Back to me. 

I am just fine. I left the office at 3:15 and asked Amber to cover me. I ran the stairs and pavements to get to Liverpool train station on time. I'm aboard the 16:00 train to Norwich and the weather is going to rain on my parade literally and figuratively. It is so bleak you'd feel rotten about yourself if you're one of those who base their mood in meteorological conditions. But as I said before, rain and more rain wouldn't hamper my earthly existence. 

But I'm sure Filipinos in Norwich are praying for some sunshine. Today's the first Filipino barrio fiesta and le partenaire is singing some Tagalog songs as part of entertainment. He was complaining last night of his swollen gums from infected (?) tooth but that obviously wouldn't stop him from that incitement of social recognition we all crave as attention-deprived populace. If you deny this then you're in such denial it'd catch up with you when you turn 50. Remember that private mental help is expensive and NHS is crap if you ask me. 

This post is getting longer and longer. I'm surrounded by a bunch of boring people (I bet they'd think of me that way too if they follow my same track of rubbernecking) and there's nothing else to do. Listening to music is unhealthy especially when you use a £4.99 headphone (I bought from TK Maxx). It becomes a noise that starts to gnaw into my brain. Beyonce starts to sound like my mother, my bestfriend and my detractors reminding me for the nth time of things I should and shouldn't do with my life. 

Oh GOD, I need to stop, don't I?

click click click

Sheela took this photo. I arrived late (just 10 mins) and she already had some woes that couldn't wait another second. She wanted it off her chest ASAP that I had to forego changing for her whims and professional needs.

Yet, the situation's totally unprofessional.

(Sigh**) What's the world got into?!

easy choice

I haven't maximised my iPhone4 memory so I decided to add more songs into it. Since everybody's clamouring about ADELE'S 21, I downloaded the whole album via iTunes. I totally deserve a pat on my back for doing that legally. Previewing her songs however, I realised that I have to be in that right frame of mind and/or situation to listen to her whining singing.

Since I go to Norwich like it's just another trip to the supermarket, I rifled through my piles of ancient CDs for another album I could listen to while looking at endless greens and browns of the countryside. CRUEL INTENTIONS SOUNDTRACK caught my attention. I knew right there and then that I have to import it to my music library and autofill the songs to my phone. This is the easiest decision I've ever done in my entire life.

If only, most valuable and can't-live-without-matters be decided without the chance of having second thoughts......

squiggles

I seriously think that if I don't turn up at work someday, no one would be able to decipher my pen-script scrawls. My mother was right to push me to Nursing school but to study Medicine would have been more appropriate. I wonder what seers and prognosticators would say about my squiggly scrivening.

This is probably the reason why I LOVE ANYTHING/EVERYTHING WITH NEEDLES, SYRINGES AND A SURGICAL KNIFE.

regular programming

Acknowledging that you're not in your best mood and behaviour actually helps in moving on and keeping a healthier psyche... or so they say. But I actually believe that and I think I'm pretty normal in keeping my physical and mental faculties within balance.

I went to work today clearly 15 minutes late. Whether my colleague Amber minded it or not, I was determined to make up for it. I'd run extra errands just to keep peace at bay. I had my final assessment from the product rep re: new portable haemodialysis machine, that we would be trialling in the next few weeks. I cannulated really difficult patients after several tries from other staff. To keep that balance, I sat on my ass answering emails and be just as productive by sending a tonne of mails to relevant and highly distinguished people of the Trust.

In short, I was a lean mean f_____ machine. Such fecundity was like porcine birth. Whether it's distraction or being a valuable working force of the institution, it really worked. I feel better about myself already. I recommend efficacy and efficiency to all slackers out there.

I have moments but I'm a fast learner.

miss

I miss Gelo.

Fast forward Friday so I can navigate Norwich and live my life yet again.

cry

the blues,

keening, lament,

choke up, break down,

sob, sniff, squall, waterworks,

weep, snivel, shedding tears, whimpering,

let go, deplore, boohoo, bawl, blub ................

state of mind

I
don't
think
I'm
sad
but I'm definitely mellow,
or maybe in-between?
of sad
of mellow.

saving Ryan

Can I be truly honest?

No matter how overstrained I was today, teaching AIHR (Adult In-Hospital Resuscitation) at Nursing and Midwifery Induction was bliss. There were days when I was meaning to leave it all and seek new adventures to appease my ever growing desire for change.

Every-time these newly recruited nurses simulate an attempt to save the manikins' lives, they are actually saving me. It is becoming clear that the only way I move on is by departing parallel towards the same calling I am in right now. I would want to die someday neither rich nor poor but with the fullness of my being... knowing that I once helped shape someone else's life, even in the littlest of ways.

I feel strange today.

drool on something sweet

While I'm being engulfed
and smothered
by laziness,
let food be your distraction.
I will rise from this slothful
existence
and
flood you with
nonsensical blogs.
That,
I promise.

inject me some life

I'm
knackered to the
hilt than I
can't even finish
this ....

if I'm straight

Kate Beckinsale is reprising her role... and guess what, the film's out on my birthday next year!!!!!

It's a SIGN of something I don't know yet.

cut-outs

This is how you kill time with a scissor and a napkin...

meet Precie

I have been trying to call her since early PM just to ask for permission to be my blog subject. However, I couldn't get hold of her as she's probably got commitments wanting her from all angles and directions.

Precie, first and foremost, is sweet and unassuming. Secondly, I know she'd go higher places because of that je ne sais quoi. You just know it when you've spent a few minutes with the person and call it shallow assessment but I knew then that she'd create a major splash at what she does best: Nursing Management for Haemo-Onc.

She just graced the cover of our Infection Control booklet and is one of the Managers for Haemo-Onc directorate (and oh, got promoted to Matron post recently!!!!!!). The next time I see her at the hospital canteen, I promise to ask her secret to staying cool under pressure so I have something worth blogging about. Something, most Pinoy Nurses would find motivating, inspiring and relevant.

road to perfection part deux

I took paracetamol.

I had a DTM (deep tissue massage).

I lied about the above two statements.

(Promise, this mini blogs will make sense soon... or someday)

road to perfection part un

I slept with a nagging headache.

I woke up with a bitchin' backache.

Why can't I be perfect?

plain happy

If you lose me in a mall for some strange reasons, don't fret.

You know where to find me.

Try the stationery section.

Is it aberrant to get goose bumps whenever I fondle pads and notebooks?

@ LIBERTY

meet Rom

He has another personality lurking in the shallows... yes shallows... when the other is busy entertaining friends and I bet, even more friends. When his attack at making people at ease (attack and at ease together in one statement is another major feat for me) and comfortable, his personality reserve takes a walk out of the shallows in slow-mo to try his luck at sustained cheeky banters.

Surely, there's nothing wrong in pleasing more souls other than your own. There's a danger though when one does that consistently: one loses the magnitude of what makes oneself truly happy. I don't subscribe to that maxim called... "I'm happy if you are". However, I sense that he is genuinely a fun-loving person and he effortlessly radiates that to others. But I wonder if he gets sad.

I'm writing this blog because I see myself in him a decade ago. You know that hey-look-at-me-I'm-a-clown-and-here-to-entertain-you-so-you-forget-your-sorrows kind of role in social gatherings. Rom does it better though. Like I said, he knows when he needs to back it up.

This is not meant to be a serious post. But so you know, clowns also go home and wipe off that thick slap and sleep like normal people who wish for just as basic as what we all aspire for - happiness.

elements

I didn't do much on this picture except for really few minor tweaks.

I'm in awe of the elements.

god.. i was FIT then...

... and fugly.

not a fan but...

Wimbledon's way over but strawberries and cream is still welcome. I don't necessarily eat strawberries but I'm yearning for something sweet-ish. The fridge is filled with it so after a few dollops of cream and sliced berries, here's my dessert...



SWEETS IS GOOD.

FeeeeeCK DIETING.

you don't have to read my blog to make me happy

I miss having that DRIVE (word of the day, it seems) to write long proses about my inner thoughts and how it governs my life in the process. I sometimes look back and re-read some of the entries from last year and I would realise that my writing style is like a cyclical model of life where it has highs and lows; evolutionary leaps and devolutionary declines. But one thing is certain: I move on and I acknowledge change. All I have to do is be consistent with the action plans and make sure they are carried out in a way that a progressive evaluation can be ascertained from it.

I remember this girl who used to criticise me for writing my thoughts in a blog. She said, "It's sad that you have to tell people that you're like this and you're like that, as if you need an affirmation that you exist and your thoughts matter just as much if not more than those minions out there". I think it is a sign of insecurity" (obviously, I have edited her lines to make her sound credible but she's not - or I'm just probably bitter). I retorted saying, "You're probably one of those minions out there who limit their minds to the box they're in".

I don't want to sound harsh but let me tell you that I'm a selfish COW. You don't hear or read that from a highly sensitive animal like me that often. I satisfy myself when I blog.

End of.

driving

All this time, I haven't learned how to drive a car. When I was on holiday back home, I drove a motorcycle after few minutes of learning how it works. It was easy and I loved it. But the thought of driving a car is beyond me. I think, I'd kill a soul by driving this massive piece of equipment or machinery.

My sister bought a new car (KIA Picanto 2011) and I was a tad jealous that she's driving a car and I don't. My other brother who lives in Manila is well content to commuting the city and just like me, lacking in motivational drive to DRIVE. I really don't understand that.

To dissect...

- I don't drive because London is so compact that you don't need a car
- London has astronomical charges for car owners (congestion charges)
- Car insurance is __________ (think whatever you like)
- It is another skill to learn
- Based on the 4th statement, it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks
- I prefer being chauffeur-ed



To be honest, I don't need a car because I was able to get by all these years without it and I've been to places without having to physically maneouver a car. It's a shame though since I come from a family of excellent drivers with or without road rage. It's in our genetics to plow down congested traffic and live another day with unclaimed insurance to boast.

If NAM and MIKA could drive, I could just do as well as them.

This is my next big project.

tweeted...

I tweeted...

"I'm busy snog-ging with @iambluedevil and Erwin..."

I thought 'twas funny.

swine-day

I woke up to the smell of bacon being cooked and browned to crispy perfection by Jay. If you want to lose weight, he is NOT the most ideal flatmate for he believes in breakfast being the most special meal of the day. So whether I like it or not, there's a plateful of brekkie next to my face (literally) every morning. I try to resist but the britishness in me is always ready to say YES.

Sunday is plain lazy for me.

- I watch "Something for the Weekend"

- I eat breakfast (will do until mid September until Jay's left for Manila)

- Do FB and blog

- Proposition coffee/tea and decent conversation to friends in town

- If no takers, I will stay home, wash clothes, record a vid, do more nonsensical blogs and do sit-ups

- or do nothing

I have strong feeling that I'd miss bacon come mid September.

help

Help... I'm drowning from my own tears.

After reading NAM's blog about this film (THE HELP), I thought I'd give it my undivided attention. Saturday evening at home on my own isn't really a stimulating prospect unless I have friends over nitpicking on things I do and the plans I still plan to do. So I did... I watched the film from start to finish.

I'm not going to pass judgement on this film but I urge you to watch it.

Intriguingly, I'm hooked by this line... "Courage sometimes skips a generation. Thank you for bringing it back to our family."

Few things to consider:

- I wish I have a child to manifest such courage in some forms or ways so I could deliver the line

- I think I'm courageous enough to be here on my own while my family lives thousands of miles away

- If courage is in a box, one would never know what it looks like due to many ways it is perceived these days

- I think my mother is the most courageous person I've ever known

- Based on the 4th statement, courage must really skip my generation because mother took it already to greater heights

I ENJOYED THE FILM.

gay weather

First, it was rain, rain and more rain.

Then, this bloomin' sunshine!

This is way too dramatic to be associated to a woman's psyche.

Mr Vain

Jay and I

London's merciless.



Jay and I decided to hit the shopping district and our first stop was LIBERTY. Hundreds of hours later and a millennia of trying on Dries and Owens and Westwood and Thakoon et al I finally realised that I'd be able to buy an island in Southeast Asia for these ridiculous prices. Would you buy a soft leather jacket for nearly £4000? You would if money is no object and could afford to live a few lifetimes over without having to worry about eating 3X a day and satisfying your social needs.

The amazing thing was... Jay didn't flinch at the thought of possibly splurging on a Margiela cardigan for nearly £600.

Then the rain came and coffee was the obvious choice. All the nearby coffee shops were full and drinking coffee in a standing-room-only predicament defeats the purpose of relaxation and mental stimulation via conversation. The rain's unrelenting and so we decided to do a bit of pee-posing (as if) near Banana Republic. I hope this would make time go by unnoticed and make my thighs tight and well toned.



Jay's exasperation was on display and I was relishing the moment. I wouldn't mind getting wet because it's liberating and maternal. Ignore the last word; you wouldn't want to know what I meant by that. My choice of words are fleeting. They only apply to moments bounded by time.

nearly a dozen

Meet the original cast of the THE REAL DEAL.

In October, we will be 12 years old in UK.

2 ... 1

It was an early Friday night.

I went to work then met with le partenaire to scour town for suits and rings. Roughly, we have now an idea where to buy these CP necessities. By 6 pm, we were heading back home when most Londoners and tourists were budging their way to pubs and restos. At home, he cooked "tortang giniling" and slept at 10 after watching "All About Steve".

The alarm woke us up Saturday morning at 4:30 am for le partenaire's train journey back to Norwich. We took the taxi because buses take forever to get to destination. With Mcdo brekkie in tow, he disappeared across the long passageway to the front of the train. He glanced one more time from a distance and I waved.

I walked to the tube that showed signs of life at 5:30 am. It was just me on the platform. I had mixed emotions about being alone: 'twas good catching up with myself and at the same time, hating the idea of not seeing le partenaire for nearly a week.

duo

legal

Oh yes, I watched this film in the dark room full of strangers.

Oh yes, CAESAR IS HOME!



Let's make it short..... the film's brill!

why commitment is fattening

Bad spirits, go away!

Exorcising Gelo to rid of lazy spirits and start cooking.

rain or shine

It's pouring outside as if the Gods had massive rows and their tears mean floods to mere mortals. As if the world's extremely filthy and needs a good washing down. However, this kind of weather wouldn't deter Jay's spirit to explore more of London.

Let's see where his spirit takes him.

want some dior?

I'd buy you this but you have to wear this in public....

bald man trapped in the tower

I have a nice view of sunset from the 7th floor. But I must have seen hundreds of sunsets from the same angle that my imagination is more geared into thinking of an idiom...

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let your hair down".

word of the day

I would expect NAM, Shivaun and few other highly literate friends of mine to know this word: GRADUAND.

I was checking my King's account when I came across this word in bold letters across the main page of the University website. I have an idea of what it means but only because of the accompanying pictures of graduating students on the page. Otherwise, I could only guess. I learned something today so allow me to use this in a sentence...

I was lined up as one of the graduands for September 2011 but sheer laziness and lack of focus kept me from possibly wearing the toga and mortar board cap.

tech

I will be training staff using this nifty, lightweight and highly techie machine for haemodialysis.

God, I love gadgets.

Nada

You must be wondrin' why I have been very quiet re: tennis and everything tennis. Federer is losing a lot lately and so is Nadal. Djokovic is just the biggest dog out there in the tennis world at the moment and no one is challenging him except himself and that darn gluten-free diet.

As a Nadal fan, I shouldn't be that selfish. This is in fact a good sign for him. Now, there is something that should motivate him in the process. In his previous pressers, he mentioned tennis is learning ALL THE TIME. I'm sure he'll be motivated to find a way to be his old mighty self again.

For the time being, I wish Murray takes the role of THE challenger to Djokovic's juggernaut of an ascendency. But that's probably wishful thinking.

quality paper versus saving Earth

It's only recently that I started switching off wall plug sockets for two reasons: energy saving and saving Earth in my own little way. At work today as I was doing the rounds, I noticed a different kind of A4 paper being used in printed handover/endorsement sheets used by staff. They look darker than your usual coupon bond and on inspection, they're recycled paper.

One of the ward clerks verbalised her displease and gall with the paper and seconded by the rest of the staff around the nurses station. I said, "It has that old, retro vibe about it and hey.... we are saving the organisation some money and most of all, saving Earth".

They just chuckled and cackled.

I flipped the ream of A4 sheets and pointed out how much we'd save on electricity, water and trees. They fell silent to my cause.

i don't usually...

... appreciate sausage and potatoes and a tangy, lemony cheesecake but...



this meal's just YUM.



If you're in town, ask me where this resto is and I'd whisper it in your ear.