Loathe

I hate this night.

the digital age

It's good to go back to basics and be nostalgic in the process.

There are things in life that the digital age couldn't match in terms of satisfying all human senses. A photo album is a rarity these days but nothing takes away that feeling of running your fingers across the velvety album cover and flicking the pages, wafting the scent of paper and ink.

Seriously, nothing.

marriage bliss

my day

It's been a blah blah blah day.

I went to work.

We set up the IPC roadshow.

We drank coffee, ate muffins and played Trivia (cards)in between.

I sent a million emails (I have three programmes coming up).

Attended this Friday's TRUST meeting.

I submitted my RESIGNATION LETTER.

I survived work's routine.

I'm going home to my hubby's cooking.

The countdown's in formal effect.

I promise to follow road safety.

I want to live.

seriously.....

I PERSONALLY WITNESSED HER DEATH AND IN SHOCK HORROR, I WAS STUNNED IN GRAVE SILENCE. DEATH ISN'T BEAUTIFUL AS WHAT MOST ECCLECTICS SAY. THE SHORT AND LONG STORY OF IT REFLECT AN ENDING AS THE REMAINING LIFE AROUND DEATH CONTINUES TO FLOURISH IF NOT FLOUNDER TO INCOMPREHENSIBLE DEPTHS.

I SERIOUSLY AM.... SADDENED.

Kiri's perilous journey

I call her Kiri.

Her eyes are bulging out of its socket and mid torso, waif-like from the pressure. She looks like in a mission to traverse the perilous journey as she knows more life depend on the possible favourable fate and outcome of her purposeful travel. She is however immobile and in a state of seemingly eternal rest. Her face despite having a fixed gaze, either shows content at last or just a reflection of her very last good thoughts.

Kiri's dead.

The driver was whistling Lady Gaga's Born This Way when he failed to step on the brake, running her over. She died in vain. Her family will eventually starve and join her in heaven.

kissing

I truly, madly, deeply love kissing.

It's like a crescendo of everything fine and good. It transports you to that dimension where you know you're flying despite being acrophobic. It's like the moon being full and the tide rises up as if wanting and yearning for more of sweet and unending denouement.

To make this happen, there has to be love.

orange

We are in our final leg of IPC (Infection Prevention and Control) Roadshow. One of the reps have got few products left and tried it on me. This is one of the new products with chlorhexidine and a colouring agent (NOT IODINE) to make sure the area is highlighted for the purpose of cannulation. My arm certainly glowed to a disturbing degree.

The point is: You must know the ins and outs of what you preach.

countdown

It's just matter of several weeks....

...and things will change.

The word I'm looking for is...

CONSTANCY.

balance

On a different note, today's off to a flying start. I taught mentorship to NEW STAFF Recruits for the Trust and yet again, a glowing evaluation. My partner is at home preparing a sumptuous lunch for both of us and the other avenues of my life are peaking well.

But like fate trying to even out distribution and assert balance, my work shoes decided to give up on me by tearing itself literally to the side. I'm not pessimistic by nature but I better brace myself for shitty eventualities before this day ends.

Bring it on.

admittingly...

I'm broke to the nth degree.

I went home to Phils, entertained few visitors, got married and will move to Norwich real soon. I still pay loans and struggle to pay friends I owe. I'm sure their understanding can only stretch as far. I'm thinking of selling my designer bags for a lot cheaper price but how to do this is a mystery to me. The idea of selling is not difficult though for I don't like items that are unused for the purpose they're meant to serve. Fun right???

Not really.

I am reaping the effects of frivolous lifestyle and lack of conceptual understanding of money and its hold on one's humanity. I had this conversation with my other half last night and I explained to him that this is like... a negative feedback mechanism gone wrong in the neural wirings of the brain and it's spiraling out of control. He gave me a quizzical look. I obviously succeeded in making it in titanic proportions. I was terribly worried but he's like... Life is full of starts. Most of them are false starts and you get disqualified but there'll always be another start where you'll get the chance to rectify mistakes.

OK. He didn't say it that way but it registered well to my uber sensitive psyche as if ... This is it! Another start.

For every problem, there's a solution. I am not in denial and I am definitely welcoming possible and feasible advices and ideas to conquer this dip. I'm realising that maybe... I can take the backseat and let others run the universe. Maybe being a mere spectator has the upside advantage that I need. Maybe I need time and really slow down. These days, the more you move, the more you spend.

Most great things are free. Personally, I think I have most of them already so redirecting focus on what I have is a good start. In this endeavour, it's good to know that I am not alone.

Thank you Mr. Bernal.

solace

Erwin and I watched "War and Peace" (Haydn and Vaughan Williams) at Queen Elizabeth Hall yesterday.

MUSIC never fails to deliver from the airwaves straight to the heart.

hellllooooooow...

You will all be inundated with these neurotic posts in the next few months so BRACE yourself.

Just saying.

emotion

I had this mild panic attack again this afternoon. I finally received the final document from Occupational Health giving me the GO signal to RESIGN from my current post. When I clicked on the email attachment, the first few lines of the document gave me that tingling sensation that led to nausea and slight hyperventilation. It was another bout of ambivalence.

I texted Gelo straight away and typed a long litany of wishy-washy texts citing my frail psyche. He didn't reply so I panicked even more. When he finally got to me, his reassurance was light yet sincere. I know him for being a man of few words but when he says things, he means it. However, this is something I need to get used to since I prefer verbosity over direct-to-the-point answer to everything.

Come Friday, I am expected to hand in my notice if I want to leave London without unnecessary complications. My manager being kind enough, agreed a shorter notice (instead of the 3 months expected servitude) period on one condition: a notice on her desk before this month ends. OK. OK. OK. It's not because she wants me out soon but the politics of resignation and recruitment are far more complicated than you could possibly imagine. I should know. It's one of my jobs.

I was staring at the monitor for nearly 15 minutes when I realised it's time to head to town to return an overdue book. Seriously, it throws me into this momentary imbalance when I manifest some histrionics about major decisions that I make in this lifetime. I think making them no matter how fast or slow in the uptake, will always be something new and certainly, enough to trigger an emotional response.

Some people comment on my calm demeanour. I'm glad I write my concerns well that it takes away the distractions from my face to the ethereal world out there.

rodent food

My colleague, out of the goodness of her heart gave me free lunch today. Couscous is not something I'd choose to eat at lunchtime when I'm famished to the nth degree... but beggars cannot be choosers. I've eaten couscous before and there's only one way this meal is palatable for me. It has to be cooked a la Jollof (West African way) to make it tastier than its usual bland, gritty texture.

Couscous mixed with cucumber and nuts meal is an example of dieting or healthy eating that screams SACRIFICE. However, dieting is in fact a sacrifice but it doesn't have to be like that. I lost weight eating sushi for a month and it tasted great.

My point is: Learn to be grateful.

WELL I AM.

Thanks Barbs.

i thought of pink passport...

Of course I'm kidding.

I was reading today's STYLIST mag and came across this article. I really wonder what the society think of this. Personally, the passport colour has a touch of toned elegance (unlike the extreme campness of colour choices of MOST gay men) and for security reasons, this is perhaps a step forward to avoid bad elements romping around continents with the intention of splashing red instead of rainbows.

i will miss part 6

Free tickets from the Trust...

i will miss part 5

In my three years of doing this JOB, it's only this week that I learned the ART of LONGLISTING. You do longlisting when you have a million applicants for A JOB. You trim the list down considerably to its manageable size, focus on top criteria for the specific job and assess all applications against that. Basically, it takes you less than a minute to do that per application so it's less time consuming and you save energy in doing so.

In my previous blogposts, I have mentioned that I get the joy out of shortlisting applications (and interviewing them eventually) but this role is like playing mini-GOD or mini-FATE. It is daunting but over the years I have grown calloused all over that I eventually think differently... nonconformably. However, I'm grateful that I get to do this as part of toughening my persona.

It's a good exercise for harnessing and bettering judgment skills but not to the point of stripping the person of innocence and sensitivity.

meal for all seasons

Have I told you that Fish-Chips and Mushy peas meal is the best English/British contribution to mankind? Well, to me that is. I'd be able to live a life sustained on this meal all throughout the year without having major qualms about it. I fear for the life of cods more than anything else.

I'm glad they come from a sustainable food group.

road rage

Last night, I was finally able to WILL my brain to press the GO button, urging me to apply for a provisional driving licence. After answering few questions, paying £50 and tapping the ENTER button, my online application is now being processed. I wonder what kind of a driver I would turn out to be. At the back of my mind, I'd be conscientious and patient and cautious and a really safe driver.

Rage is not really in my vocabulary... unless....

FOR NOW

I'm tired.

Let the wild flower entertain you for now.

be the judge

Gelo and I went home empty handed. We faced the fierceness tenacity of competition head on and was left reeling. Judging talent contests is one funny business. See our performances HERE.

So be the judge.

voltage to the brain

I'm back to work this morning after hitting the sack last night... errr this morning at 3 am. I just couldn't sleep. This uploading business of videos and pictures is just taking a decade and this has major repercussions to my sleepnig habit. Hence, I had to drown myself with strong tea and coffee to keep myself upright and awake. I find the latter more difficult than singing the Do Re Mi song at the moment.

I had to drag my feet to work today and just like a stroke of bad luck, I have a full schedule of activities that need doing. I need a divine intervention.

quaint

@ Coltishall with AJ, Tony and Gelo...

Memory Walk 2011

Moving on part deux a la twitter

Thank you for pointing out A KEY ISSUE here ( take note... Singular). Strange enough, I don't feel bad about it.

Moving on...

So yea....

Let's do YOGA YODA.

Yoga as a calming, mind-clearing activity is obviously not working.

PS - I don't do and cant stand yoga.

Ponder

I'm not counting but two charitable events in one weekend is a pretty good feat. It's better than going to church and saying your "Hail Marys" repeatedly hoping for soul cleansing. I was told that when problems occur, you talk to the person who aggrieved you and sort things out. I think that's a universal policy in maintaining harmony. But obviously, it's better to bitch about it first and hope that you get your allies entertained at the expense of that person involved. I think it's appalling. No matter what happens between two adults, bringing in a million critical opinions into perspective without resorting to the good ol' talk and controlled banter is a downer. It also means, you don't have a brain of your own to help process your own thoughts because like lesser mammals, collective thought synapses based on experience and primitive mental functioning are all that jive.

By the way, it doesn't mean that because a person speaks grammatically incorrect, haltingly flawed English, he's already stoooooopid.

Just a thought.

Cheap

I may be cheap, but I hope you know how to define... DIE BITCH DIE and INGRATE!

That's all.

I

Thank

You.

I want that Dragon dictation thingy... So I don't have to type my thoughts!

So what did I do today?

I walked for DEMENTIA 2011. Starting at Morton Hall, doing this charitable work was... in a way... blissful. Gelo and his work colleagues who work at the Nursing Home registered us for this 1-2 mile walk along the greens and browns of Norfolk. The company wasn't bad either. We got tees and medals for it to prove that we laboured hard enough trekking the treacherous slopes and cliffs. I'm lying. It was more of a flat terrain covered with tall trees and not-so-exotic shrubs. Seeing wild mushrooms and an abandoned rotting kayak in the middle of the woods was exciting. My hyperactive nous was given an insight to limitless possibilities. However, I didn't plan to bore my jovial companion with my theories about these finds.

After that exhausting red-arrow guided walk, we decided to drive the rest of breathtaking Norfolk hoping for a decent meal. After few seconds of driving and a lifetime of chitchat (long drive but the panorama's enough to give that theory of relativity a boost), we got to .... wait...( Let me call AJ for the name of the place... But he is not picking up his phone at this time...) this place so picturesque that you'd want to eat and eat and chat and chat forever because you'd feel like... you and nature are one except that your mobile would take you back to reality with its incessant vibration. We ate like our forefathers except we used utensils and devoured cooked food.

We could barely move from the sitting position when we decided to top this experience with a dose of X-Factor and DVD. The latter didn't materialise as it's time to say farewell to good times. For the first time this day that I felt horribly sad at the thought of going home. Leaving Gelo was getting harder and harder each time. This time, it's enough to give me chest tightness, I thought I'd die.

Right now, I'm on my own inside carriage D. AJ and Tony chuckling earlier about their horror movies and this predicament I'm in give me the creeps. It certainly magnifies the idea of aloneness and it's not a good feeling. I'm hitting rock bottom in some avenues of my personal living but it'll only look up from now on. If there's a higher being out there (and I feel there is), I hope this one is my last final hurdle to the eventual clearing ahead.

So, what did I do today?

I behaved like a married man and definitely loving it.

A hmmmmmm

Now.... What I'm going to tell you is v v v interesting indeed. For now, let me sleep and recharge.

High

God.

I'm so happy I didn't buckle and muck up the lyrics. Gelo and I are entered to this talent search in Great Yarmouth (Social Club - Northgate Hospital) and I just closed the 1st half of the competition. During rehearsals, I forgot the lyrics but the actual performance was better. I was able to complete it with just one line messed up but without the audience's knowledge. That's still good I guess. A bit of acting helped.

Gelo is closing the second half with the total 22 acts. Let's see how he fares in this competition. I have faith though that he's going to take home the bacon. I could only hope for a second place and bring home a price enough to build a year-long confidence. The great thing about this event is that.... This is for a charitable cause and a little contribution helps. Lending my voice is a good start and the most I can afford right now.

The second good thing is .... familiar and unfamiliar faces approaching me after the first half congratulating me for a job well done. It was elating and at the same time, spirit uplifting. I think I chose an aptly good song, singing "Bring Him Home". The majority in the audience obviously followed Les Miserables for years and could relate effectively to this song. Gelo is a good influence and I'm glad he's able to convince me to face the demons of public performance yet again.

Results.... Later!

Go Nic

There's a reason why Nicole is a good choice for X-Factor as a judge. This is not because she reminds me of my root as Filipino and being proud as one ... but because she's not dull and she connects with everybody. She certainly connects with me and I'm three meters away from the boob tube. I still don't understand why super-stardom hasn't beckoned.

OK. Bias is possible.

But come on... Her surname's star sounding already and bright.

Stoooopid

TOO not TO.

Geez, this iPhone blogging business is making me furious.

Argh.

I need Yoda Yoga.

Events

Another weekend, another moment to spend with my husband. GEEZ... It's so weird to call him that and I don't think I'd ever get used to calling him that through a blogpost or any other literary pastimes I indulge myself into. I call him HUSBAND in the privacy of our time together but this seems way too much insult to the older generations alive and those bigots who haven't moved on from sexual revolution. In time, I'd get the hang of it.

Too late however.

I have called him HUSBAND already in here and so far, there's no adverse reaction to note in my physical and emotional homeostasis. Al Angelo Bernal deserves this moniker. Although I know he'd be a bit wary about namecalling and the attention it warrants in societal stand. In retrospect, he was out to his family first while I was probably pondering whether my sexuality would impact my so-called existence.

Digressing.

Back to Liverpool Station and Norwich.

You know that Norwich is special when Krispy Kreme is not even available yet in the East Anglian City. With my Tumi bag and three big boxes of donuts, I missed my train by a millisecond. This prompted me to swear for England. Believe me, I'm such a trouper when my filthy mouth is on a roll. London is surprisingly warm today and sweat and rage aren't really a good combo. This just exacerbated my foul mood and it wasn't surprising that I lost my manners. Few innocent people from work GOT IT from me. I bet, I'd see sour faces come Monday morning.

There are times that I think the world is just way to slow. Like this train and the longer stops than usual at in-between stations. Time is an element of living we just don't have control of but I'm sure man-made things can supplicate to eventualities that time's transition is well spent. At this juncture, I have regained composure and my blood pressure is back to earth. Now I feel guilty that my patience is becoming a duller virtue and bad temper, a growing entity that wholly occupies my left ventricles.

I need a good counsel.

one or the other

Just in case FB breaks down...

A backup plan is not a bad idea.

dawn of fear

It's finally starting to dawn upon me that I have to leave London for the life I barely know in a place I imagine myself to love for a week at the most. The only consolation is living that life with someone I'd like to be forever. But I guess it is normal to have mild panic attacks about the whole thing.

on a roll

... and you thought I was lying?

... and I thought it was a fluke..

My second session in the afternoon was just as orgasmic as the first.

on break...

Deep inside, I have this ambivalence about something. It has nothing to do with my major decision of leaving London but just that pesky mixture of emotions that warrant a thoughtful yet carefree and disentranced stare at nothingness. I finished my first session in the morning and decided to laze along the Thames and allowed myself to feel low and encumbered with emotions other than happiness.

It is good to wallow in that humanness once in a while.

art

This is the ART of boredom.

I call it... A MILLION DEATH BY FOUR-TEETH.

Materials used: A staple-wire remover and an old napkin.

Process: Puncturing the folded napkin so many times until you're destressed.

Meaning: It's up to you.

if...

... this reflects my state of mind, I wonder what exactly is going on inside my brain. I sometimes have this waking-moment-out-of-body-experience where I see myself in a predicament where I feel like singing "Tragedy" in a harrowing Boyce Avenue version (if ever they do have this version, it'd surely sound like it). At that time, I'd think of the 5Ws and 1H of the whole thing. But no matter how hard I try to decipher myself, I end up blaming my own complexity.

Ignore this.

This is just the indolent in me justifying itself.

There's a reason why I'm saying this...

Just a random rambling about myself...

WHY DO I HATE MEMORISING SONG LYRICS?

Seriously!!!!!

gloating is healthy

Right.

Where do I start.

I was tired yesterday and didn't get the chance to look at the "Mentorship" lecture for today's session. However, one of you would probably say... "How difficult is that?". True. When I was studying mentorship years ago, I found it a "common sense" kind-of course but why it has to be formalised to a certain degree that all members of staff MUST do this to progress professionally, was a mystery then. I bet, some of the nurses studying this at college right now have the same wavelength of thought processes regarding the course. For me, I'm a convert. Teaching is not everyone's cup of tea. It's either you have it or you don't. Then you have some who fall in the "between" category, doing it for sole reason of existentialism.



I woke up really early this morning and devoted 15 minutes of my time to a marathon of revision of the 1 1/2 hour session. I've done this session before but key terms still get my mental synapses twisted in a double fisherman's knot - so secure and tied up that I lose facile consistency and flow. I was 20 minutes early at the Education Centre so I decided to focus on strategy. Thirty delegates turned up and one and a half hours later, the last evaluation paper was completed and yielded an "excellent" remark. Tempted by curiousity and dark virtue of self-importance, I scanned the evaluation sheets and they're all favourable remarks.

I reflected to myself - on my way to the office - thinking ... I know why I'm CRAP/rubbish at other things and second fiddle to many other things. But teaching is my niche. How many people can raise their hands with sheer confidence and say this line... "I can't believe I get paid for doing something I truly love".

Many?

Few?

None?

Lesson: Persevere on something you love doing the most. It's already half the battle won when you get it. The other half is when you start reaping the fruits of your labour.

Lesson 2: If you f__k it up, you'll find a way to rectify it without resorting to major dramatics.

i will miss part 5

It'll be a million or more posts of this nature to fully express how much I'm going to miss London. Janette mentioned to my previous work colleagues at RFH that I'm moving to the countryside. Their main reaction was .... "Ryan? Living outside London? Are you serious? Really? Nooooo?". It's as if I'd die of anaphylactic shock if I get stung by fresh air and injected with peace and quiet. I found that reaction quite amusing. Really!

Although I was a party animal back then, I have mellowed a lot over the years. I'd still miss London for the extreme spectrum of lifestyle boosts but I'd probably miss the company that I used to share the moments when clubbing, pubbing and the likes. Nothing beats that. I think, London isn't what it portrays to be if not for the people that make it more interesting.

PS

PS - I woke up this morning reading my post re: SOHO and I realised that giving justice to SOHO and how it means to a Londoner like me simply isn't enough.

How stupid is that!

i will miss part 4

OK. OK. OK.

Over the years, Soho has been there for me. It has seen the cyclical swings of my life and the 1001 bipolar episodes of my existence. Amongst my circle of friends, Soho has been given that unfavourable, disreputable moniker and no matter how hard I try to negate that pessimism (my first double negative - yey!), people have already made that long lasting impression of the place.

I suggest that one spends quality time around Soho and explore the fabulous restos, bars and other elemental happenings from sunrise to sundown. I suggest bringing enough dough just in case you get way too up close and personal with its addictive lifestyle. If budget is tight, I propose a pre-dinner coffee/tea along Old Compton's with a very dear friend whose personality defies limit and restrain.

I swear grand ideas were concocted by famous people here by just listening to eclectic beings.

justice

Let's see if I'd be able to give these songs justice this coming week.

You'd find out soon.

Fingers crossed!

overstated gold

I'm not bothered right now.

Actually I am.

Silence, as I was told decades ago was golden but that's not always the case. Allowing malicious intent to run away with the invested good nature and motives is just plain aberration. Something has to be said or be damned forever. I don't think I'm that bad a person some people paint and tattle me to be.

meet Catherine

I have nothing much to say about Cathy.

... except that she's one of the very very few nurses I know whom I have so much adulation for. She doesn't know I stole this picture from her FB album but in case you get to meet her someday, consider yourself privileged.

interesting advert

i will miss part 3

I'm supposed to go to Athens for a conference. I'm all set and booked to fly out on the 30th of September but there are good reasons why I shouldn't take this opportunity. The lure however of staying at the Hilton and free food on top of free learning abroad are strong enough to give me second thoughts. The two reasons are:

- I feel like a traitor to my present job, enjoying all its perks only to leave after a few months
- I'd rather spend that time with my other half

Apparently, the reasons are shallow.

Me: How about giving other people the chance?

Friend: You've worked hard to get to this stage in your career. You are just reaping what's due.

Me: The more that I must learn to give others the chance to grow. Being selfish is not a good trait.

Friend: You betta get a decent leaving do for this.

Personally, I don't think there's a thing called decent leaving do unless you base it on the amount of alcohol one consumes on the night.

bedroom or living room

We received a belated gift from Gelo's work colleagues and I think this is living room-worthy as a decorative frame. I imagine this as an ice-breaker and a compliment-inciting work of art.

Truly, Gelo and I are grateful.

PS - They could have photoshopped a few crows-feet and made me look flawless and divine. But then again, that wouldn't be me; that would be the insecure 30-year-old me who faced aging with sheer defiance.

new obsession

Blackberry 9900 is out!

I know this is not iPhone5 but I was finally able to stroke this gadget last Saturday and I must say, this is one fine piece of boring innovation.

THE stare

It was Gelo's bro-in-law's birthday this past weekend and true to Filipino form, they celebrated it the PINOY way. Most of the viands were reminiscent of HOME HOME food and this one below was no exception.

... if only this pig would stop staring at me.

Away from home

I am aboard the train to London and I'm late as usual. Today's all about mandatory/statutory training and all I have in my brain is the idea of being close to someone who shares my life now more than ever. I'm going home to London but this notion is getting blurry. I should say, I'm leaving home to get on with the usual rigours and grind of that thing called work. Soon, I'd be closer to all things that matter to me the most. I'd like to say:

I LOVE YOU MORE and MORE AL ANGELO BERNAL!!!!

The cynic would put a time-frame to this but infinite is the only time I know.

Discretion

Open letter

I will make it sweet, short and reflective.

I have implored you for help in that dire moment and as a friend, you willingly obliged. There are problems that we just shrug our shoulders Like it's nothing and move on and then there's us: a problem that needed a conversation, a chitchat or call it, a sit-down talk. If you've been wronged by the person a few times intentionally, then it's probably worth lambasting the person to the core. If it's otherwise, a good ol' powwow would do to deal with un-ironed issues. Personally, I prefer a more humane, civilised and "more Christian" (considering I'm not religious at all) way of dealing with incongruences. We all know that the world has gotten smaller with the advent of Internet and that hastens freedom of expression/speech.

Like in my previous blogpost, too much freedom of speech in its literal sense creates a gazillion of countries and division. This is why I ask for haste in clarity and resolution. It's not too much to ask really.

The Sunday that just passed me by

My past weekend was generally a weekend worth blogging. But as I struggle with the details in terms of cohesion and eloquence, I'd resort to bullet-points that narrate the events of 48 hours just gone.

See how this compares with your itinerary:

- auditioned for a talent search
- qualified for the finals this coming Saturday
- cooked Bopis (an outrageous claim but my input was just as much as the chef)
- BBQed with flair
- karaoke with mates
- got upset by a friend
- played Pinoy henyo
- made love

TMI right?

I'm just hoping positivity outweighing pessimism would mean something to unhappy people out there. I'm hopeful that dwelling on optimism is going to make a difference to a non-Christian, seldom-do-I-go-to-church person like me who still value this mantra, "put yourself in one's shoes".

Cow, sheep and horse talk

I feel like I could hear them talk in a language only I could understand. I'm immersing myself too well that my psyche's getting too familiar with au naturale existence. It seems like, they're welcoming me to provincial living.

I love the Broads.... That long stretch of narrow two-lane road that connects Norwich and Great Yarmouth. We pass by that road each time and it reminds me of life chances. We are all given that but like most things these days, that stretch of life altering decision-making is short and defined. We may think we've ascertained the ins and outs of possibilities but we haven't really. Short period of complacency becomes a luxury and a few more ticks of time and you reach that roundabout. It's crunch-time!

The indefatigable in me says I'm tough and ready. My mind is finally following suit.

Let me bore you part trois

There's a reason why life repeats itself like fashion reinvents itself using past inspirations. This is true just like the skin can only stretch as far; just like the heart that can only pump and beat as much and as many through its lifetime. The inevitable is that you live and then you die. 

I say this because people are getting less and less imaginative. Gaga may be shocking people at the moment but in reality we are seeing possibilities. If we give flight to individual differences and favouring freedom of speech to its ultimacy, we'd see anarchy and a billion of countries ruling this planet. 

Are you confused yet?

The reason why I say these mumbo jumbo of notions is because like the world, we repeat ourselves in a circular form. It makes sense that we don't follow a line. The latter breaks as it stretches. The inspiration for this philosophical direction of blogging argument is the fact that I prefer ageless standard music over the Rihannas and techno blastings. Michael Ball singing beautiful, tuneful music is bliss. The melody makes you realise that variety of edges about living. 

So there. Defend your music in figures of speech known to man.

Let me bore you part deux

A friend told me that a blog is all about "not being boring" and "should cover interesting stuff" and "less self indulgent" and "has to be more out there".... However, let's go back to the prequel of blogging instincts. Since movies these days are prequel-ed, it's worth noting that I blog as I please. That solves the matter. 

Who doesn't want to monetise any endeavour that one does especially when it's something you love doing the most, next to loving that is.... Getting a special mention from one or two co-bloggers is more than enough for now. The realist in me tells me not to be greedy and overly ambitious when it means falling flat on my face at crunch-time. I have reached this age knowing my strengths and weaknesses. You know, that question they usually ask during interviews..

Let me tell you a conversation I had with NAM donkeys years ago.... We were young, innocent and beautiful then when we indulged ourselves in dialogues of life and more life. He revealed that he's been writing and chronicling his life through journals and showed it to me. He could go as far back as growing and wonder years to great specificity in terms of day and time. I was impressed. 

It's only few years since I started blogging but looking back, it affords great sentiment to relish on seemingly tangible memories. By that alone, I know I've achieved my goal: understand why I behave the way I behave now based on my past highs and lows. 

People reading my blog on a regular basis is just a privileged bonus; still a bonus nevertheless. Don't get me wrong.... I'm grateful. 

Let me bore you part 1

I just devoured four well- seasoned hash browns and consumed a large latte. I was early for my 0700 train ride to Norwich. I could have extended my sleep for another half an hour but surely, procrastination could have adversely affected my normal proceedings this morning. It's good I didn't take that risk. 

The train is like a bald man's head. You're lucky to see a strand of hair errr... Another soul. Saturday journey to the countryside is the exact opposite of what normal people would do. They'd be hopping on the train from the country to the city instead. But here I am traversing the still, serene and picturesque vista of consistently tri-chromatic naturalness. 

As I sit here listening to the MUSICAL album, there's that vivid recollection of my fun times with NAM and Ricky as we drove along the vineyards of  California wineries.  We were playing French music, my feet up the dashboard of the car and the windows rolled slightly down allowing the warm breeze in. It's enough to know that we live a life that feeds not just the body but the soul as well. The very same thing I feel right now. Good melody and the sight of green are a combo of good stasis. Sea turtles are a good testament to aging well. They preserve their organs from the chronicity of wear and tear by slowing down. Green isn't my favourite colour but it's calming and cooling. 

People change. 

I'd be happy with the peace and quiet.

it's really happening!!!!!

HP

My other half has this obsession with headphones. I must admit, I like them too but not as much as liking my watches and trucker caps. We see people clamouring for BEATS, BOSE, B&O etc... but I'd be happy with anything really as long as it allows me to listen to music thwarting away boredom and massacre time with so much gusto.

... but this Philips Fidelio is just ridiculously pricey. Apparently, if you listen to Beethoven, the man himself will rise from the dead and conduct the orchestra to his inimitable perfection. Somehow, I doubt that (not the rising of Beethoven but the difference it affords compared to high end HPs).

To be honest, I cannot be entertained TOO much by extreme quality of music while I'm out and about. I easily get distracted by that and chances are, I'd probably get hit by a passing car to my demise.


-

techie

My dear friend Jeff from QUEENS (Yes, my queenly friend) NY showed me the power of FB. He got tired of typing his thoughts so he opted for a video-call via FB. It was like.... hmmmm... Skype but more fun... or just like Skype but still fun because if Jeff is not fun, then you probably are tired of banters or just plain tired of life. Seriously, where on earth does this homosapien (I'm so tempted to type something else here that starts with h..o..m..o) get his energy...

I hope he's not on you-know-what!

He is too old for it...

L.O.L.

i will miss part 2

CHINATOWN

When I get tired of eating starchy potatoes and greasy chips, I know that there's hope few minutes from where I live - a trip to Chinatown and indulge myself like there's no tomorrow. You know what I mean, right?

i will miss part 1

Now that I was already given a conditional offer for this new job in Norwich (Learning and Development Consultant), I am pondering on the number of things I would miss when I leave my present job. This one ranks high from my very long list: Teaching Trust-Wide Pre-registration Students from two notable London Universities.

Sigh.

call me lazy

We bought a new camera months ago. It was a mid-size, powerful bridge camera where you could also swap lenses if you please. It came with a Tolstoy-ish manual and until now, I haven't got the chance to read it. I planned weeks ago to test drive some of its features but really, I thought it was so much aggro fo two reasons: the size and its technicality.

With the special moments that passed us by (i.e. wedding, birthdays and long drives to the countryside), the camera that was lurking inside my TUMI weekend holdall was never used. Instead, iPhone4 was my constant companion that graced every angle and detail of events that would haunt if not afford delight in the years to come.

However, I'm not sad about it.

I can use MACRO functionality and still be satisfied with the outcome.

Here's the proof:

justifying...

Having marital squabbles can be such a torment that you'd want to pull your hair out. In my case, my nostrils' hair. You are in that situation where you are rendered helpless because distance plays the foreseeable crisis you cannot change; something you cannot intervene straight away. All you do is wait for the heightened emotions to simmer down and hopefully, words would be the best ice-breaker if not that eye contact only lovers could define, to placate and appease the fiery circumstances.

With long distance however, that's limited to words unless you have the technology of FaceTime to suss how the other soul feels even with considerably great miles that part both physicality.

What's my point?

Nothing replaces togetherness. I am not a firm believer of "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"... We know that MAN is a complex being capable of adopting and adapting. When compensatory mechanisms take over, we are forced to cope. By then, only real and deep-seated love survives but not without the bruises and aches.

I love my MAN. That's why sacrifices have to be made and I'm not taking any chances.

raket

I placed second and Gelo got the fist prize at the finals of a Karaoke contest in Great Yarmouth, the same placement from the other night's preliminary heat. There were 10 finalists from different HEATS several weeks ago and I must say, this amateur singing business is starting to appeal to me.

I don't mind losing to Gelo, seriously.

I came across DESIDERATA during my Uni days and learned to appreciate individual differences.

Miss U

I took this photo of Jay at John Lewis 5th Floor during our powwow weeks ago.

Miss Angola won the title of Miss Universe 2011 and Jay posed for the camera looking like her from that "against-the-light" shot. Oh, premonitions... premonitions... premonitions. All I need is apply and analyse it aptly well at the right time. It'd certainly make me rich someday.

overseas thoughts

Subject: May this be your best day ever
From: jessica zafra
To: cipriano mayor

. . .followed by your best century ever!
I hope you and Gelo will be very happy.
Anyone you marry is the luckiest person in the world.
I love you both!

Jessica

beyond Nursing

You'd never guess what I did at work this morning...

Weekly, we have this lady playing HARP for the dialysis patients. Finally, I was able to listen to her playing. I don't know what came into me but few minutes later, I saw myself singing "Bridge Over Troubled Water", "Love Changes Everything" and a couple more songs. The patients and staff clearly approved of my singing with the wooing and rapturous applause.

She asked me eventually if I know the song, "My Way" and I nodded. She was about to play it when I realised the lyrics say, "And now, the end is near...." so I said, "I don't think it's appropriate to sing this surrounded by patients hooked onto their life-saving machine".

She smiled and then, started playing a piece from "My Fair Lady".

phony

Let me go back to my favorite pastime: Rubbernecking.

People are very interesting species indeed. You'd think logically hard if you want to find out what's in store for homosapiens in the scheme of survival of the fittest. I still think that through evolution, gay men would rule the world as the next stage of humanly existence. Don't ask me why but I have this theory about homosexuals and existential progression.

Talking about people, the woman next to me is half-asleep carrying a fake gucci bag. In front is a business-like, Kate Moss-y lookalike with yet again, fake Coach shoulder bag. At the far left end, is a Mediterranean looking young man in his full regalia of designer gear. I'm sure his Prada man-bag is a class A fake.

It means something.

This is not to look down on people who carry fake items but to emphasize the practical rule of Darwin's theory. Adaptation is a major premise to evolution. I don't do fake-ry that's why I go to Uniqlo.

light a candle for peace

I went home still fuming and felt like I contributed to global warming from the excess heat emanating from all of my orifices. I just wanted to smack the face of that old, goth-wannabe bird who misconstrued ugly personal traits as professional values. I'd like to mock her looks and tear her apart but after seeing these pictures, I somehow calmed down.

I'm a peace-loving person and I will take the higher road anytime.

Silence is golden but seriously....

FUCK YOU BITCH!

in-laws don't have to be horrible

... in fact, mine's a lovely bunch!

Late lunch with the Ballesteros family...