It is not customary that I write at this unholy hour to convey my thoughts. Gelo would usually say that I must be anxious or depressed the minute I start an attempt at knitting words. I would want to rationalise this entry but there's nothing of great magnitude enough to justify this yearning. But then again, it's a lie to leave it at that vague and vacuous notion.
It is now properly morning and this PappaRotti Milk Tea I had at 10 pm is still raging into my system, denying me of a single yawn. I just lit the newly bought votive and its flicker is already of physical manifestation of reflection. It casts a little radiance to the outdoor plants across the opposite end of the balcony like a nuance to the other living things attesting that lonesomeness is relative. This setting is perfect because over a week ago, I just turned one here in Abu Dhabi.
Being a nurse that I am, I practise what I preach. I reflect.
One year of a major life turnaround is a milestone for some if not all. Doing a deep dive on this venture, I have nothing but ambivalence. Just like most of us, we survive life with resilience because that's how we are as beings. I feel, I am that with a bit of extra because truthfully, I'd labour to death in the UK and it wouldn't even touch the shadow of how I am remunerated here in UAE. As you are all aware, UAE work package for British expats is there to lure you at the expense of minor sacrifices like freedom and individuality.
Yes, money... most of the times supersede life's intangible pockets of oasis. You sway with the bursts of happiness it brings and like a drug, it takes you to the zenith of id fulfillment. The constancy of these ecstatic moments somehow patches the blur within your psyche that's longing for something that's ... this pesky niggling little thing you just couldn't name nor describe. Then I turn one and in my most vulnerable moment e.g. a minor fight with Gelo or a 4000 AED penalty for jumping the red light or a stream of heavy work demands or a worrisome news from home etc, and what you know about the beauty of your lifestyle pales in comparison with what completes you as a person.
My life here is a beautiful whirlwind. It assaults the senses and it justifies the major move. But I know deep down that I am more than the person I have become because I feel that there are other precious pockets of oasis in my being still left longing.
