animated???

Salma Hayek .... is going to produce an animated movie about Kahlil Gibran's "The Prophet".

Hmmmmmm... very very very interesting indeed (in a British tone and enunciation).

EVOLVE

One of the major perks of my new job:

- WORKING FROM HOME

I have tonnes of booking reference forms and training materials to formalise before the end of March. The new financial year is looming and with the bucket-load of training sessions I've committed myself for the Trust, training packages have to be set up in due time.

I'm glad I don't have to wrestle with my workstation in the office but instead, work leisurely at home in my own working pace. I think it is therapeutic, productive and fun. Now, all I need is FOCUS.

stock

Of all the after-care I've done over the years, this is one of the most inspiring and diet-busting clean-ups I've ever done. Now, the fridge is filled with cakes, biko, crema de fruta, spaghetti and chicken. We can invite more friends over and have something decent to feed them. I sense more DVD nights and a whole lot of banters coming up.

people

I left London nearly three months ago (it felt longer than that actually) and with that move, I left the comfort of familiarity with job, the raucous and hustle & bustle of city life and the people I've known for nearly a decade. The good thing about this move is the fact that Gelo's friends are already my friends as well.

I think I've done well integrating myself with his lovely flock.

sushi

Working lunch!

Prince Charles vs the staff

HRH Prince Charles was expected to grace one of the wards where I work but was delayed by more than an hour. I finished delivering my teaching session about "IV Therapy" and had all the time to watch from the sideline his much hyped, much talked about visit of Norwich. But in the end, I decided to slowly walk the narrow alley to the main gate for my taxi ride back to the office.

I was eventually told that miraculously, staffing was at its best and bays were manned with happy faces and eagerness; things that weren't there weeks ago.

Yey.... Yay

the trip

.... is a necessity.

who's mad about Dr. Who?

Lito's partner is!

He's allocated nearly two medium sized rooms for his madness already and it's bound to grow some more. I'd like to criticise his passion for it but I'd be a hypocrite to even think of it.

in the name of charity

A car wash for Alzheimer's.

A car wash for depression distraction.

Fuck

I certainly know how to spell F U C K, C R A P and P A I N .... and be more textbook about approaching these dilemmas but I don't know how to control these nagging amalgamations of emotional turmoil as it happens to me and my family. They say experience is a teacher.

But FUCK that as well!

Appeal to the Supreme being

Human body is generally frail. We are not like porcupines, echidnas, Echinoderms or other animals with built-in physical defense against bodily insults. Turtles live tediously long because of their physical engineering and lifestyle. Man doesn't.

I just had a long, painful conversation with my family and the Consultant about my father's well-being. He's recuperating well from his recent stroke but hospital being the mecca of bitter truths, they found a lump/nodule in the right upper lobe of his lung. My conversation with the clinician was technically frightening as this involved terminologies you only read in books and other people's medical charts when you study and look after medically unwell patients. I was listening to his spiel and no matter how strong I tried to project myself in this case, it was disheartening. My sister's voice was a telling sign of anguish and I could only imagine my mother's reaction when she finds out about this later.

We're made fragile. The only major thing that makes us a cut above the rest of the existing species is our mental faculty. This is the very same thing that heightens our awareness of how acute and vulnerable our bodies are despite the seemingly limitless possibilities our knowledge can achieve. That difference between thought processes and physical actuality is unimaginably vast. But certainly...

... I don't wish for immortality; I wish for a miracle.

easy

Life is never easy that's why, it's good to know that boiling asparagus is enough to satisfy my craving for something different. I know I'd stink the toilet bowl later but eating a bundle was joy.

Life's easy, really.

a listed building and the trees

I've mentioned before that this training venue ROCKS! It truly maximises learning, if you're going to ask me. Today, it didn't just offer learning but a good ol' sanctuary for meditation. It felt good to be lost along the fresh mist of peace. Something I've been longing for a while to recharge before delving into reality that bites.

State

Cogitation, reflection and anything/everything mentally challenging can be deleterious to health when used repeatedly. I'm tired but I don't have the luxury to STOP. My mind's drifting across oceans and seas; mountains and plains, just to reach home.

I'm living each day with a heavy heart (and mind).

here's more

Here's what I say:

There's no other flower as beautiful as the rose.

illusion

I took this photo and the light coming from the lamppost creates the illusion that it bends the branches of the tree. It's amazing how life resembles physical configurations of this world. I can think of far too many similes and metaphors to associate this "happening".

I'd like to see this beyond optical perception. My other senses tell me there's more to it than what meets the eye.

sentiment

I hate myself sometimes (on top of most times I truly hate myself).

I have all the right to be down and out; downtrodden and helpless but no matter how I'd like to "feel" and be sensitive about the whole turn out of events, I still bottle things up and appear totally in control. When my brother died, there wasn't a tear in sight but my mouth was filthy as f___k! I swore like a trooper. It's only a year later that I cried a river, feeling that I've lost a part of me; a part of life.

I probably take pride in saying that I have really few good friends who know and understand me. With the chosen few, I get enough ally, comforter and calming proponent to get me through the barrage of life insults.

PS - I wonder what NAM is doing. A good, buoyant chat would be nice.

Shit.... Nope, it's FUCKED!

Today's a SHIT day:

- Failed my driving test (practical)
- My father had a stroke and was rushed to hospital

Just before finishing my driving test, I had incessant phone vibrations in my pocket. As soon as the examiner said, "You failed", I reached for the phone and noticed a million missed calls and few text messages. Papa was rushed to hospital due to CVA. Apparently, half of his face drooped and couldn't speak. I phoned home and spoke to my family and it was distressing to hear the details of the full event.

I phoned work and canceled my work appointments. My hubby did his best to appease and stop me from gear changing to insanity. To be honest, my head's truly heavy and I don't know what to do. It seems like crying is the way to deceleration of emotional rampage but I'm sure it's going to hit me harder in the hours to come.

I retract my first statement. It isn't a SHIT day. It's worse than that. Help me think of words more dramatic and 10-folds more damning than SHIT. When you've done that, you're just skimming through the surface of my seemingly controlled emotional and mental turmoil.

Controlled, for now.

please don't let me do BAY PARKING....

Having a different driving instructor yesterday truly helped.

SERIOUSLY!

... but today's the day of reckoning. Let's see if I'm really a fast-learner I claim to be.

Hope

Today's assessment was much better. He said, "If you do what you just did earlier then you'd pass without a doubt". That boosted my confidence and I'm much happier now behind the wheels. I hope and pray that I pass my practical driving test tomorrow.

There's a glimmer of hope ahead.

more food to come

... then come Monday afternoon, it will stop.

wane-tear

While I'm let down by my stupid, temporary emotional/mental instability, it's always good to look at the white bright side. Although I don't talk about sunshine in this context, my affinity for winter and its accessories is unwavering. This is what usually calms me down.

I know now how to learn something and not enjoy the process

So it's Friday and I'm now home. I drove myself (with the same instructor nagging me on the side) to where I live and said my goodbyes to him. I shook his hand and said something like, "Thanks for educating (uttered in a v v v slow way with syllabic emphasis) me about manual driving. I learned a lot even if I didn't enjoy it". He didn't react at the first half of my statement but eventually picked up on my half sarcastic, half brute honesty on the second half. He then looked and spoke to me in a patronising way (as if I wouldn't pick up on it knowing I'm a foreigner and I probably wouldn't know anything about the tone and act of it) and I just said, "I'm sorry to finish this session early. I just don't think I'm in the mood anymore". Again, we shook hands, I turned around and never looked back.

Driving is meant to be fun. Teaching someone who doesn't know a smidgen of what-the-hell-a-clutch-and-gear-stick-are should be even more fun. This is why I believe, people who engage themselves into some sort of theoretical or practical teaching MUST be educated on LEARNING & DEVELOPMENT. Well, my opinion at least.

a good sign

We have 4 pieces of chicken legs so I asked my hubby how he'd like me to cook it: Adobo (Chicken in soy sauce etc) or Breaded Chicken. He replied, " Breaded Ryan". Sweet yes... but I have a freaky day ahead (my last day with my dreaded driving instructor - I could easily change instructor but I'm not going to succumb to his ways - I will soldier on). I eventually decided to cook in both ways; chopped the legs and did a J. Oliver stunt in the kitchen i.e. messy path to culinary perfection. Don't argue!

Some people with weak psyche tend not to recognise it when they're on the brink of minor depression, mental collapse or a sudden shift to full blown anxiety attack. Most will opt for denial; others, do shit (literally or figuratively) - or cope using a combo of known-to-man defence mechanisms. Then you have others who sublimate; I TEND TO COOK more than usual.

I have this formula within my system that works to keep my existential balance:

positive - - - - - - - - -fulcrum- - - - - - - - - - - negative

flourishing work/career
lovelife/family..........................................financial instability

The see-saw is tilting towards the negative right now. I NEED TO PASS THE BLOOMIN' PRACTICAL TEST to fully execute my work duties. This issue is stressing me like the time I got the lowest board rating mark compared to my college buddies (80.7%). I won't let this petulant, persistent consternation get the better of me. I NEED TO COOK NOW.

effective distraction

I have so many qualms and gripes about many things lately. I am more than halfway through my INTENSIVE DRIVING COURSE but everytime I see my instructor, I lose interest in practice driving or even worse, I lose interest in "enjoying" this very affecting course. There are other reasons but "one problem at a time". I'm no AVENGER.

When things go awry, there's always one thing that provides comfort. No... not just bars and bars of chocolates but the process of cooking. So instead of lazing myself in bed and engaging my nous in a cyclical way of reflection, I decided to cook.

See below:




It's totally therapeutic.

heave

I have very good reasons to be happy but these reasons are outweighed by things that make me feel depressed and unhappy at the moment.

Sigh.

wrapping up the day...

in any surface

Gelo writing on the sand


It makes me think: A shower of rain could wipe off the sweet scribbles on the snow and a rolling, sweeping glide of the wave could extirpate the ridges and indentations on the sand that make the words readable. Love is not always the answer to marital woes and worriments but having a strong foundation helps. I can count the number of times Gelo and I altercated on the most stupid of things... and the most critical of things. When it's at its most painful, love finds a way to placate, soothe the affliction.

I have left London for good and it wasn't easy. I thought, I've written my name on a stone somewhere in Covent Garden to mark my loyalty and passion for the City but it's not the stone... not the snow and not the sand that determine the groundwork of happiness. It has to be inscribed in the heart.

I know this is soppy/sappy but today's the day to be expository about "feelings". I'm grateful that I love and being loved in return.

Me... writing on the snow

happy valentine's day

Showing that you love doesn't have to be measured by expensive things money can buy be it in days of abundance or months of austerity. Simple gestures matter just like my hubby going to the living room early this morning to get this lollipop out of the display case and handing it to me... just like boiling water and stirring a sachet of lempsip to make this flu-ridden body a lot better.

If I'm a millionaire, I'd buy him a "recording studio" but I'm not so I'd let him sing everyday in the bathroom to his heart's content.

just like watching the scariest film and...

... I couldn't scream and hide behind the throw pillow.

I had my first proper driving lesson yesterday (the first of 5 intensive driving lessons) and did OK (I think) on the minor roads. If there's one thing I hate about the manual car... that would be the clutch. I SAY, GET RID OF THE CLUTCH - IT COMPLICATES LIFE. I could have driven an automatic but company car is manual. After circling the same area for a millionth time, he asked me to go straight ahead and to my surprise and utter horror, led me to the busy road leading to City Centre.

I was to the point of screaming at him - instead, I looked at him and gave him my puss-in-boots stare. He admonished that and said, "Look at where you're going!". From then on, it was like watching Jack Nicholson wielding his fire axe, chopping the toilet door. Inside, I was petrified... so much that I'd shriek at the instructor but years of experience with nincompoops taught me the word "control".

My driving instructor is one helluva scary man. He's a dead ringer for James Cromwell and extremely bipolar. We drove back to the headquarters in one piece but that one high decibel-ed, high octane first driving was worth the money. He must be exhausted reciting the words "gas", "clutch", "brake", "left" and "right" just like a rapper.

inopportune time

FUCK THIS FLU!

Naivety vs reality vs shame

HoD's right. Don't let your mother be your FB friend. There's no doubt that I love my family... truly love my family. I have a million misgivings to them but someday, I'd make up for it big time. So in a way, I understand why my mother would post a shoutout on my FB wall about how incompetent I am as a son and as a family member in times of crisis. I don't blame her really but at the same time, morally damaging for me.

It was posted within 3 minutes before I deleted it. Reality bites hard.

In heliosheath

If Adele is an unmanned satellite , she'd be VOYAGER 1. Winning 6 Grammys in one night is a major feat (tying Beyonce's winning record). She definitely is in heliosheath catapulted far far far away from the closest competition.

I'm getting sick and tired listening to her album though.

black tiger prawns

I love cooking. It is becoming my main escape from things/moments humdrum and my saviour from things harmful about myself. My cooking repertoire has now broadened to other animals within man's food chain domain; I cooked prawns. Being warned by my hubby about experimenting on food, I looked for a viable recipe online and got fascinated by white wine sauce.

In as much as I'd like to be regimental, I decided to use champagne instead of some cheap white wine as the main ingredient. I guess it worked. Just like life, important people deserve the best. Little by little, I will someday prove to those who matter the most in my life that they are loved.

Come on!!!!!!

I've got runny nose.

I've got headache.

I'd like to sleep more.

I'm extremely tired.

WTF!

run to you

I've been vocal about my ALL TIME favourite song. Despite the emerging soulful songs this new millennium, trying to convince me that there's still melody left in music, I regress back to the time when music churned was a series of amalgamated musical notes that came to life as real melody. When sang, nothing...yes, nothing would ever compare to the inimitable Whitney Houston.

"Run To You" was ... is and will always be the best song of my lifetime.

RIP Whitney.

"me" time

Blissful repose: Regine's voice (Low Key Album) reverberating across the whole flat and the bubbly white foam in the bath.

the housewife

If there's one major thing I've learned from being married, it would have to be the ability to adapt and adopt in terms of cooking. I think I have that gift of flavour discernment and cooking is just a simple step next to it. So I tried, this ...

pork steak cut in cubes
baked and tendered in the oven with special sauce
sautéed later and boiled with its juice plus coconut milk
added spices and seasoning
and VOILA...

winter's revenge part trois

What do you do when it is THIS cold and you're bored to death of either typing a blog or telly surfing?

Answer:

I channel my energy to playing tennis fencing with the vacuum cleaner. It's good exercise too.

short review

CRAZY STUPID LOVE - Go rent it if you're getting bored in your relationship. If not, still... rent it. It might instill some fear in you.

DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK - Go rent it. Pretend you're afraid and get the most cuddles with the littlest of intentions. Better yet, steal it online.

acromion

YES.

I can't lift my left arm, painful to move it anteriorly to the mid-sagittal plane and I'm getting worried. I have a week of driving to contend with and my left arm is the most useful limb in executing diurnal activities. I'd stop moaning about it if it was caused by a pleasurable event... but it wasn't!

palatable

I'm not really a big fan of fastfood but the first syllable seems interesting enough to goad me into queueing and clogging my arteries later. "Fast" is what I need to get back to the office in a timely fashion before work-people start noticing an empty chair in the privileged section.

Burger King's a lot nicer to masticate when the view's panoramic and devoid of humans. I enjoyed it immensely.

guess what I did at lunchtime...

After a year of being out of service i.e. practice arms, I did a bit of surgery in the office. I de-clogged the venepuncture arms by flushing some saline in it. Getting these arms ready for next week's session is paramount. My equipment budget is as high as my ankle and I have to make do of what's available.

HEY... I'm not complaining.

I don't doubt my capabilities as a teacher to be extra creative with the failings of other factors involved in learning.

He said.... "I'm glad you're enjoying this"

OMG!

I had my first assessment today. In an hour, I managed to crash steer the car without a glitch. Except for a couple of clutch problems, I survived the very first time I manouvered A CAR. The good: "Your steering is good". The bad: "Ease off the clutch slowly. There's no reason to rush".

I can't wait for next week's intensive course! BRING IT ON.

routine

My past days had been a series of routines: work and DVD nights.

Today, I went to this rather interesting place/venue for Resus and enjoyed the session amidst the tall trees and listed buildings. My hubby picked me up from training and went straight to rent more DVDs. This time I'm pleased with the choices: Don't be Afraid of the Dark and Crazy Stupid Love. It'd be a long night but a cuddle whilst watching films would be fantastic.

sowwwwwie

APOLOGIES.

I don't want to blog today.

PERIOD.

winter's revenge part deux

winter's revenge